Darwin

Why do I feel guilty for eating fruit that has not yet been washed? I’m trying to enjoy some grapes (the nice, fat, juicy kind with seeds that my mom would never buy) and secretly congratulating myself on choosing a “healthy” snack (it’s either this or cinnamon Pop Tarts), when I suddenly realize that they haven’t been washed. Yet having the water run over them for 20-30 seconds (OK, maybe it was more like 7-10 seconds) just left me feeling foolish.

Per the food handlers class I have had the privilege of taking years ago during my stint in the fast food sector, I learned that anyone who places their hands under a running faucet in an attempt to fulfill the obligatory “all employees must wash hands” sign is just wetting down the germs already on their hands. So does it not stand to reason that I too am merely lubricating said pesticides so that they can more easily be absorbed and metastasized in my body? Fuck it, says I. Survival of the Fittest. (pseudo Punk Rock moment number 451)