Blarney & Bullocks

I suddenly realized that I may be one of only a handful of women in the world who deals with my period by moping around my empty house and sporadically shouting “I’m BLEEDING!” with various inflections. Anyone else with me on this one? (Shrink said dosage was good for up to another 4 months, so up yours!)

I’ve decided to send a final peace daisy to my e-crush today a la Alanis Morisette in Thank You. I’m not down with the nude nylon suit or anything, but it’s basically the same “baring it all” feeling, just on the inside. Y’know, this is my personality and I’m so sick of trying to tailor it in order to affect some sort of means to a happy ending. I’m me, and clicking w/a guy is in the realm of possibility (so far “clicking with a guy” is hiding under a rock in the land of probability, but I’m sure one day it will once again rear it’s ugly head), and all attempts for me to orchestrate the actions and feelings of others are senseless. (OH, but if he could just give me that little chance, I could SO be his wonderwall!) I am such a loser.

Background: I was a bit ruffled when he called b/c both times he was on his way somewhere else, and that just felt weird. I mean, I hardly expected him to dress in a smoking jacket, start a fire, and tuck into an entire of night of poignant verbal exchange, but you gonna call me as you’re walking up to a restaurant to meet people for lunch? Hale NO! And then he kept doing this “I promise I’ll call you” bs which made me feel like I was all up in his shit trying to get him to call me. Waiting by the phone, wishing on every red cardinal that it would ring so that I could once again hear the tenor of his sweet, sweet voice. (OK, maybe one cardinal wish, but all the other shit is just not true) So I let him know that I didn’t want to set up this “expectation”; if he didn’t want to call b/c he wasn’t really interested in talking to me, he just needed to let me know.

And while it seemed perfectly logical to put out there, my guess is that he heard some kind of psycho-woman talk for “Guard your bunny rabbit ‘cause I’m a comin’ down the pike with a double boiler and I’m in the mood for some hasenpfeffer!”, because I haven’t heard from him since. One month of e-mails, this blip, and now nothing. Soooo, in my usual quest to completely shatter my own ego, (a bruised ego is like the equivalent of one lick of the nipple; after that I just have to go all the way) I’m going to send him a b-day card tomorrow. Well, I’m going to send it today but it will arrive tomorrow. I figure I have nothing to lose. I mean, he’s not talking to me now, so if I can squeeze a bit of closure out of all this I say we let it ride! (I didn’t say that I LIKE being pathetic, just that I am)