Landed Butter-side Down

And the beat goes on….I’m done making excuses for Mr. Wonder Penis b/c he’s trying to fuck with my head, and that’s just not how I roll. He’s saying that he’s interested, but then not contacting me, much like Omar did….hmmmm… seeing a pattern here? I’m starting to remember why I don’t date Hispanic men. No matter, because God is sending me distractions in the way of 3 new winkers, 4 if you count Marc (an old winker who was moving therefore did not have enough of his shit together to actually commit to correspondence), and yes I realize that leaving it up to God sounds nutty but it’s just the way I view things.

On a more serious topic, I haven’t had the inclination to exercise, and it’s really starting to bother me. I will admit that since fooling around w/Juan I caught his “allergies” so I’ve been super sleepy after work lately, but it feels like more than that; it’s more like a depressive “I don’t want to do anything” kind of vibe. And yesterday I was being all good by bringing my own lunch (soup) but the wonders of the sticky saran wrap failed for the first time, and it spilled all in the WalMart bag I brought it in. Eating soup from a WalMart bag? I have not yet reached that low, so I went to get a plate from a Chinese buffet place, thinking it would be about 7-8 bucks. But when I went to pay, they weighed it and it cost me $12.00! Since I’m still on the protein kick I understand that the stuff I got all weighs a lot b/c it’s meat- but shit! And I still didn’t have the energy to exercise. This is really freaking me out.

PLUS, when I told Juan that I realized he wasn’t interested anymore, and he texted me his goodbye, I started to cry!???? Confirmation of what Michele has been telling me: It’s going to take a long time to get over my ex, even if I’m feeling good on the surface, there are still a shitload of demons teeming right underneath that are going to rear their ugly heads for the next ?? months. Yikes. Three minutes after he said goodbye he called me up and asked me what my “problem” was. Then he claims he was waiting for me to call him and he thought I didn’t want to be w/him. Yeah, just like a meskin, trying to convince me that shit is my fault when he’s the big tough MAN full of machismo, but he’s scared to call a girl. Whatever.
Lie #1: He didn’t receive the texts I sent him on Tuesday morning.
Lie #2: He quit match.com and can’t read his e-mail from there anymore.
Lie#3: He wasn’t logged onto match.com, although I was on the internet and could see the “Currently Online Now!” icon blazing in red.

Yup-a regular Shawn Jr., except my ex didn’t start telling obvious whoppers like that until at least the 2nd year of our relationship.

I guess it’s good that I’m sharpening my teeth on guys like that this that are easy to let go of. I mean, it always feels bad to know that someone who has spent time w/you is indifferent to your company (it’s an ego thing), but it helps when you too are fairly indifferent to them as well. Could I see myself living in Nixon in his trailer, which is located next to his mom’s trailer? Nope. And get this! Sunday I decided to cut and soften his cuticles, so I was basically giving him a manicure (I’ll admit that this guy has very nice hands), and the only things he ever said about it was along the lines of “You missed something” and “Give me the cutter” so that he could do it on his own. WHAT A TOOL! I can guarantee that if I did that w/an Anglo they would either not be comfortable enough w/me to let me do that, or would think “Wow, this girl is so sweet” (what can I say, I am sweet! OK, I’ll ‘fess up b/c it’s my diary: I can be sweet), but Hispanic men have this sense of entitlement that I just don’t understand. And quite frankly, I don’t want to understand it. It’s bad enough that I lived with it for 18 yrs and had to see my mom get taken for granted, but I’ll be damned if all of my love is going in a vessel where 60% of it is discounted all together.

The biggest incongruency I’ve found is that I don’t like the fact that Anglos don’t appreciate the fact that I have saved myself from having a lot of sexual partners. That attribute is definitely more prized in the Hispanic world, but I can deal with that as long as my efforts as a friend and girlfriend are at least appreciated. Sigh… I just want someone to “get” and appreciate me. How hard can that be? Oh wait, I’m making the same mistake I made before I met Shawn! I meant, I want an HONORABLE, DEPENDABLE man who has a solid future, a good sense of humor, and his head on straight in general, to “get” and appreciate me. How hard can that be? :-)