Weekend Update With Stupid

Why am I so interested in someone who is so obviously not interested in me?! He’s not especially attractive, or funny or intelligent, so what is it about him that it I want so badly? Is it the old “You want most what you haven’t got”? I think it’s because I let him kiss my breasts and I touched his penis. Yup, that’s it all right. I hate this.

And on the other end of the spectrum I’ve got Daniel, a perfectly nice man who lives in Seguin and is available, yet the thought of him touching me gives me the willies along the lines of cleaning spiderwebs. But there is one interesting part: when we were at the club and after I’d had two beers, I wouldn’t have minded kissing him. 2 hours later we’re watching a movie on my couch and I’m thinking “If he tries to make a move, how are you going to get out of it!?!? You’re getting a cold? Stomach problems? Think, woman, THINK!” So I guess that just means that you’re going to have to be drunk around him all the time, and ya’ll will have a wonderful life with 2.3 children (with fetal alcohol syndrome). Actually, what it makes you realize is that you really shouldn’t drink on anymore dates because if you were willing to kiss that guy, who knows what you might accidentally do someday!

I know this is not cool, but the guy went bald in high school (literally, and I’m not talking receding hairline or thin patches, I’m talking actual baldness here) was born with a cleft palate and hairlip (or maybe those are the same thing?), didn’t have front teeth until the age of 15. Now, if you’re thinking that I’m a shallow bitch, hear me out: how am I supposed to have fantasies of our children? HUH!? What kind of genes would I be propagating here? OK, maybe I am still being a shallow bitch, but I know I am not a knockout, and I would still not expect a man to get with me if he was not physically attracted to me. Chemistry counts for a lot, and while I cannot explain why I like the jerk and not the good guy, I’d like to think that it’s not just some moronic cliché. I mean, the jerk isn’t perfect but he didn’t take out his two front teeth on our first date, and he didn’t take off his shoes and socks to reveal long dirty toenails, and then place them on your coffee table. Nice guys don’t always finish last, but when they do that shit, can they really expect anything less?

This weekend was actually pretty fun. A little weird, but fun. I went to the Shiner picnic with Amanda and some of her friends. Cheers was the fact that I met some fairly nice people, had a lot of good beer, and got out of the house. Jeers would undoubtedly be that I texted Juan when I was drunk, thereby getting my hopes up about some sort of reconciliation. Not only is that very pathetic, as he has made it pretty obvious that he’s over me (as if he were ever really into me), but he’s not a good guy to begin with, so it makes me realize how vulnerable I truly am right now. Well, at least he answered, but he’s stopped answering, so back to square one. Sigh….oh, and I’m starting to realize that the match.com honeymoon is over, because I just keep getting the same old guys, and no new leads.
Lastly, I NEED a new job. I don’t expect to be at this job on my next b-day. As a matter of fact, if I did stay in my position that long, I’d probably lose my house or some shit, because it’s just too hard to make it on my salary alone. One thing about living w/my ex was that the bills were all good. Now that I’m by myself I’m having to charge groceries, phone bills, and other really important things. Unless I’m prepared to get a second mortgage or something,

I’m going to have to start making more money, and that’s not coming from this office. Besides, there have been many signs that it’s just time to go. Alan coming in with that job info, me seeing how much Troy is earning, Cynthia is gone and I’m not jazzed about her replacement. And let us not forget Harold and Jean being assholes all the time-that really makes me want to quit.