Falling (again), Potentially Flat, But FOCUSED!

Omar, my very first e-crush called me the other night, and I feel like he just sucked me back in with one phone call. I just hate how it’ll feel like we’ve been talking for 20 minutes and 2 hrs has passed. It’s like being back on “the benches” in college; so comfy and right that it creates a time warp. I think we get along so very well, which is why it’s totally fucking with my head to know that his avg. contact w/me is twice a month. At first we “talked” every day, and now he just calls once in a while. My head tells me that he’s not into me, but my heart chimes in with such gems as “You told him you didn’t want to meet him, so what do you expect” “You shouldn’t have told him you went out w/other match.com guys” and “Maybe he really likes you, but he knows he’s not in an emotional position to commit, so he’s just keeping in touch until the time is right.” WHATEVER! My penchant for being a stoopid girl truly knows no bounds.

My Mexican “Tiny” is MIA, and I feel in my bones that he will remain so indefinitely. It dents my ego a little, but that guy is kinda messed up, and I knew that from the first moment he uttered “So you’re pretty, you cook, and you’re nice, but you’re not married. What’s wrong with you?” I’m telling you, between his charm, wit, and the size of his dick, I know that one day I’m going to look back on the experience and just shake my head. I’m already looking forward to some other options. I couldn’t give Daniel the old “kiss off” because I’m too damn nice, although Michele says that stringing someone along is a crappier thing to do in the long run (but I can tell you, in the short run it feels A-OK to the kisser). He’s gone on vacation for the next 2 weeks, so that may be enough time to come up with a good alibi. This is what I’ve come up with so far: “I just met the man of my dreams two days ago! Aren’t you glad we never kissed, because that would have been weird?! Wanna go bowling?” Yes, I think that should go well. (Please read last sentence in previous paragraph, as it applies here as well)

My diet is entering a new phase. The “holy shit, if I don’t have at least one glass of milk I WILL DIE” phase. That, and I can’t do Atkins anymore because it just costs too damn much! I went shopping yesterday and spent $40, but that will last me about 2 weeks. Compare that to the $90 I’m used to spending on all my “Meaties”, and you’ll see why I have to now change. I’m mostly worried about the hunger factor. When you’re on Atkins you hardly ever get hungry, but on a regular, high carb/lowfat diet, hunger is just part of the process. That and when I got fit years ago, my tits dwindled down to C-cups, so I’m going to miss the ladies. Y’know, my boobs haven’t gotten smaller on Atkins, though I have lost about 4 sizes so far, so I might do the lowfat thing for a month or so, then get back into Atkins. I like my boobs, and they are definitely worth fighting for. (Hopefully not the first time that sentiment has been expressed, because it just feels so right). Either way, I MUST stay focused on exercise. It’s the only way I’m going to be successful, and I’m not going to beat myself up about the fact that I totally tanked in May on the Stairmaster front, but my Vegas vacation is officially over.