Gold Digger? I've Got My Own Gold, Thank you!

Potential catastrophe averted on the youngin front, but now my sights have turned to someone my age that I have been talking to. I've been (was) rockin' match.com for a while, and I'm still corresponding to one of the first guys I met. He's always been my favorite, and I suspect this is because we are very much alike. (Hey, I like me!) But my problem, besides the my ever-present fear of commitment b/c I dont want to mess anything up, is that he's financially secure, and I have reason to believe that hes leery of so-called gold diggers.

This doesn't concern me much because I've always felt that anything worth having is worth working for. As a matter of fact, women who are into seeking men for the sole purpose of support offend me. While I'm not looking for provider, I'm also not looking to become someones sugar momma either. My ex did not have a degree, but he wasn't lazy or stupid, so he made good for himself, and thats all I'd ever ask. These aren't really problems per se, it's just that Im a very blunt person, so when the realization struck me, my first inclination is to set it straight. Then it occurred to me that that in and of itself may make my intentions seem less than genuine, and so there it sits.

I just wish I was better at this kind of stuff. I'm really good at the pals thing, but when it gets close to going past that point I turn into a social retard. It's not like I'm aching to be more than pals, or even that the option is out there, but I would hate to think that my intentions would be misconstrued. I've got my shortfalls, but wanting what other people have is not one of them. Whatever I dont have I must not want; I have never looked to anyone to provide for me. I couldnt even cheat in school because I've always felt that my wrong answers are better than taking someone elses. My life isn't perfect, but its mine, and anything lacking in my life can only be changed by yours truly. I feel, to a fault, that at the end of the day, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself, so the notion that I would pin my needs on another person is diametrically opposed to who/what I am. Now, how to convey this without seeming goody-goody, insincere, offended, preachy, too serious, pedantic, or just downright wacky? I have no idea, and so there it sits.

On a lighter note, I'm having my cousin and her bf over for a tiny shindig at my house to celebrate the 4th of July. I'm looking forward to some beer, brisket, and some good girl gab. She actually called me last night and I conveyed the information above. Her sage advice was the following: "You're so not like that, that you just need to be yourself and he'll get you or he wont." I love knowing someone who thinks just like me, but has the objectivity of someone not mired in my world. AND she loves beer too! (Yes, we are dangerous together, but that's half the fun.)