Public Bathroom Lament #112

If you've just GOT to "blast a dookie" at work, please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT squat in the very first stall closest to the entrance, for the unsupecting woman with a full bladder will have no other choice but to wade through the poo cloud of your voided bowels. Perhaps the innocent woman was only popping in to wash her hands before lunch, and as a result of your selfishness has now lost her will to ingest foodstuffs. What did she do to warrant such an egregious assault to her olfactory system? You are selfishly polluting airspace that is physically impossible to avoid, thereby creating a totalitarian regime of boo-boo, and that's just not nice, not to mention quite unAmerican.

Please, follow the words of a great American: "Take care of yourself, and each other."