There Are Too Many Kids in This Tub

Anyone who knows me even just a little, knew this was coming: My roommate was a pain in the ass this weekend. It's difficult for me to bring the hammer down because I know that she's not being inconsiderate or malicious, she's just young. We'll start with Saturday. She's asked me out on many occasions, and I've always declined, but this time I couldn't say no. It's in the way that she asks me that is a bit maddening. She asks "What are you doing tonight?" and since I can't lie for shit (and have an even harder time coming up with lies than remembering to stick to them) I always blurt out "Nothing", and then look like a big a-hole when I have to make up some random excuse. But this time I really couldn't come up with anything, and I haven't been to a Tejano bar in years, so I thought it would be fun.

It wasn't awful or anything, but her cousin inadvertently "cockblocked" me all night by sitting down next to me. I also learned that I'm too old school when it comes to dancing. Back in my day (aww crap…) when girls want to dance together to a pop song (not couple dancing), they get in a circle, or at the very least stay about 3+ inches away from one another. But nowadays, it's customary for girls to form lines so that they can grind up against each other. Not only do I have a problem with pantomiming sex while standing in public in general, but doing that with another female is just on a whole other level of "Nahhh, but thanks anyway."

I realize that dancing is a bit of a mating ritual, when guys and girls can show off their plumage and basically say "Yeah baby, this is how I can work it", so it's not like I'm a dancing prude. Not trying to brag, but I can shake my shit, HOWEVER, I don't feel the need to actually act out moves which are sexual in nature with people in a public place. I think there is something to be said for leaving room for one's imagination to take over at some point; you don't have to see exactly where my hand would be on your ass if I were to ride you like a bucking bronco, y'know? That's the bigger issue, but it's also the fact that I suspect these girl shows are only for the benefit of guys, and that's stupid. If I need to act out lewd acts on another female in order to get a guy's attention, I would just prefer he stay at home in front of his computer to see the real deal, 'cause that's just not my area of expertise.

Soooo, I had an OK time, and that's not where the problem began. The main problem is the blurring of space. I am a space nut; I like knowing where your area ends and mine begins. When she first came to live with me, I explained that the upstairs, including the kitchen, was my part of the house and she could lay claim to the downstairs. With the exception of the washer/dryer and my stairmaster, that has remained true. I can proudly state that I have never been in my roommate's room while she was not there because I really consider that to be her part of the house. The other day we were talking and she told me how much she likes to cook. I told her that if there's some special occasion she wants to cook for, then she could use the kitchen. I didn't realize this was basically like inviting a vampire into your home.

Saturday she tells me I'm invited to a BBQ for her friend's b-day. Later than night I learn that the BBQ will be held at my house. Not a problem… Sunday around 4pm, when I'm sitting in my living room watching the Back to the Future movies back to back, she and her cousin come upstairs to begin cooking for the BBQ. Huh?! Was it my fault that I didn't assume an invitation to a BBQ meant she'd be in my kitchen all afternoon? Is it wrong that I feel my home is my sanctuary, and if I want to lay around in my living room in only underwear and watch 7+ hours of Michael J. Fox that I should be allowed to do so without having to dress, tidy, and make idle chatter?

At first I thought it would only be for an hour or so, and I just went to my room to lounge on my decadent, luxuriously spacious new bed. 2 hours later I go in for a bowl of cereal and they are eating at my table. Yeah, I should have said something then, but her friends were there and I didn't want to be a total dick and ruin their get-together. But tonight I'll have to let her know about my space issues. So what if she threw away the dead waterbug that I'd been too scared to touch therefore had relegated to the corner of the kitchen for the past week? I lost my Sunday afternoon! Anyone who works full time knows how sacred those hours are. Right? Tell me I'm not just being a jerk to a sweet girl who's nice enough to invite her old lady roommate out with her friends, and throw another friend a BBQ for his birthday.