The Persistence of Rootie, and Other Schtuff

My Christmas break, pt. 1, has begun! I took Friday and Monday in order to enjoy a 4-day weekend at my folks house in Padre w/some of my old Aggie buds. The past couple of weekends have been a bit hectic, and I haven't really had a chance to sleep in for a while. My dog isn't so up on this, and only knows that Mon-Fri she gets to go to my Grandma's house, which is basically the equivalent of visiting a luxury cruise ship. There are activities, new experiences every day, and the food! My grandma is now so accustomed to dropping food, that she no longer realizes she's doing it. Consequently, Mondays are like some hybrid of a buffet and an Easter egg hunt, as Rootie tears through Grandma's house finding treats around most every corner. So on Friday all Rootie knew was that she was missing her breakfast and her response to this was to stare me down. Uh-huh. No pawing, whining, or other shenanighans. This dog just sat quietly by my head and stared. Going out, getting fresh food & water, and giving her treats would not abate her will. Rootie learned that channeling Ghandi does not get you exactly what you want, though it does catch my attention, and I learned that a 5 pound creature can bore a hole into your soul with her tiny, shiny, black eyes.

My Christmas break, pt. 2:
This post is a bit disjointed, being that today is almost the last real day of the Christmas break, and I'll admit to feeling a bit guilty about the complete lack of….oomph to get much of anything done. I did have one hot date that bears mentioning. Very nice, very very cute, 26, musician, did I mention he was cute? Whew! Almond shaped, hazel eyes, and he was smart. Things were going very well until about 2 hrs into the date when he began to ask more personal questions about myself. That doesn't faze me at all b/c I'm an honest person and I don't mind talking about myself (you guys have put up w/my many bulletins, so you know this), but as time went on the questions took on a more salacious tone. For example, asking me when I last had a boyfriend is OK. Asking me when I last had "relations" with a man is OK. Asking me whether or not I own lingerie…uh…getting strange but I'm still OK. Sharing with me that you love the feel of lace against bare skin, and in the same breath asking whether or not I own heels taller than the ones I was currently wearing…NOT OK. I politely relayed that there are more interesting matters to discuss than my lingerie and heels, but apparently he did not feel the same way. 5 minutes later he decided to call it a night. Sighhh…

And of course the angel on one shoulder is congratulating me for proving to myself that although it is much more difficult to stay chaste when you know what you're missing out on, it's affirming to know that it wasn't all to do w/ me being chicken-shit during my youth; there were some morals tucked away in my reasoning and those are still in tact. (We won't mention fooling around w/that one guy from match.com last May b/c I failed that test miserably).

Then there is the devil on the other shoulder knowing full well that I own many lace underthings and there is no shame in two consenting adults enjoying a romp twixt the sheets, not to mention the fact that I could have really, really, REALLY enjoyed a bit of carnal attention. But I know myself, and the next day would have had me fraught with feelings of guilt, and if history from when I began having sex w/my ex (when he was my new boyfriend, oh so many years ago) tells me anything, I just saved myself from the following:
1. Racing over to my doctor for a complete STD work-up
2. Taking the morning after pill
3. Going to confession
I'm telling you, those nuns really did a bang up job at catechism…

Anyway, no grand plans for New Year's Eve. I'm going to a bar with my cousin tomorrow night, which means I'll probably be either too broke or hung-over to do anything on Sunday night. I figure that a quiet night with a bottle of Moet, my dog by my side, and surrounded by the quietude and solace of my home. Uh yeah…expect some drunken myspacing and/or calls from yours truly. WELCOME 2007! BRING IT ON!

Triumph for Alcobulimics Everywhere

Things I learned this weekend:

If you go to bed at 6am, but still get about 7 hours sleep, you've effectively given yourself jetlag, and your body absolutely knows this.

You can lead a closet hippie to water, but you can't make her fish.

Guys will patiently sit around listening to all sorts of random female conversation, but there are two subjects they will either bring up, or gladly speak extensively about, and these subjects are sex and farting.

Jana and Jiffy and Matt are the most awesome people in the world for driving 6 hours in the fog, and another six hours in the hot Texas sun just to celebrate a birthday with someone they knew years ago. They really don't know how loved they made me feel, and since I hadn't felt that in a very long time it meant the world to me, and always will. Guys, if I'm a match for any one of you, or your children, I've totally got an extra kidney for you right here.

Love,
Aimee
(Fighter Bitch, '98)

Pity Party For One (WITH UPDATE!)

You've Been Warned...

I'm not proud of this AT ALL, mostly because I strive to have a good time while drinking, and NOT doing things that will have lasting aftereffects on my entire life, which is precisely why I am not a drunk dialer. I'll admit that it's been easy for me to stay away from the phone while inebriated b/c I would much prefer to actually be w/someone than make a call. Being that I am, however, quite comfortable writing to people, my newly formed affinity for texting is causing me problems "after hours". I've already confessed that I had imbibed a bit too much the other day and texted a friend of mine, which was thankfully mended by the Cingular gods b/c the messages were never sent and I was able to erase them in time.

THIS time I found myself trying to text…uh…aw crap. My Ex. I KNOW, I'M AN IDIOT! Sighhhh…. I think that opening my box 'o X-mas decorations unleashed all these memories that I've been trying to keep at bay. I found our stockings, some of our ornaments, his little snowy village….he really liked Christmas. Moreso than I, and that first Christmas together was such a joy. I remembered teaching him how to wrap a gift and curl ribbon, because he so wanted to wrap up my gifts nicely. I remembered that look of excitement when he unwrapped his Homer slippers, and his giddily skipping around the living room in order to show them off. And mostly, just the overall fact that I had finally found someone to share that holiday with; I remember how thankful I was to snuggle on the couch, basking in the white glow of the lights we had both strung onto our tree. So when I opened what basically amounted to a time capsule of Christmas, circa '05, I guess that just kinda seeped into my subconscious.

And I'm not relaying this in order to evoke sympathy, or as some Christmas tale with a moral at the end, though you totally need to squeeze your own schmoopie extra tight during this time of year (squeeze 'em if you got 'em!). The reason I'm basically rendering myself naked is that this event is relevant to my actions this past Sunday evening, where your fair heroine was attending an office Christmas party. It wasn't my work Christmas party, so yes, I may have been getting a bit more "sippy sippy" than, say an average Sunday evening. Or St. Patrick's Day. Or Superbowl event. Or kegger. Sighhhh, I'm stalling… At approximately 3am I texted the following to my ex: "Shawney, I'll always love you."

Sure, it's true, however much I hate to admit it, but a 3am text while inebriated is certainly not the way in which mature adults work through their lingering issues on relationships. I guess the worst part is that it's moot, which begs the question: what are you really trying to do? I guess I still want to know that he cares, which is pretty stupid. We went out for almost 5 years- of course he cares. Maybe I want to know that he's sorry. That his life is nowhere near as good as it was when I was in it. Then what? Will I feel satisfied? I know we can't be friends, it is too easy/comfortable to slip back into that role of loving someone and being needed. But if that's truly the case, why isn't it just enough to help myself? This may sound nonsensical, but I need me too! Getting drunk every 4 days isn't exactly "helping" my life move forward.

So what happened? I awoke, raced to work, and remembered to check my phone to see…..nada. He hadn't responded. Just a tiny sting, like getting a shot. The pain was over right about the time I recognized that it hurt. The morning went on and the embarrassment grew. Not really one of indignation or feeling exposed, more like a realization that it's time to let go. Make no mistake, I do not want my old life back, but I will admit that the casualties of situation are hard for me to bear. To have shared so much with someone and to try to just get rid of all of that. It's like trying to separate a Venn diagram; where do you put the crap you share? Yes, present tense! We share so many memories, movies, restaurants, inside jokes. Some days I just can't help but feel like the underachieving loser from the movie Magnolia who so starkly states : "I have so much love to give, I just don't know where to put it." And of course, you shove it down. You shrug your shoulders. You know everything worked out for the best, and you just change the radio and move on.

All of these things are swirling around my head as I suddenly remembered the reprieve I had been given the past weekend as I snatched the phone from my purse and checked the status of my text, which read "Sending in progress". I blinked. Couldn't believe it! I hastily deleted it. I had sent one more text in the wee hours of that morning, which was to my cousin to relay that I had gotten home safely. This message too was labeled "In progress". I e-mailed my cousin to verify that she had not received the text I had sent, and SHE HADN'T! (There may be something to this "Cingular gods" thing after all!) So there I was, in my office, relieved, horribly hung over, panting from the adrenaline of that near miss. For the first time I'm feeling a loss of something by being single, but I'm not suffocating at the thought of being in a bad relationship. I told myself Christmas was going to be tough. Oh well. Guess I'll change this CD and get ready for tomorrow.

UPDATE: MY EX TEXTED ME THE FOLLOWING ON MY B-DAY, DEC.16:
Happy 26th Birthday. I hope ur well.
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE, HUH? YES, HE STILL CARES. NOW I CAN GO ON WITH MY LIFE TRYING MY HARDEST TO PRETEND HE NO LONGER EXISTS. :-)

Survey

1. Someone knocks on your door at 2 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Good news almost NEVER comes at 2am. Uh, my long lost friend Monica from college.

2. Your boss tells you he/she will give you a $20 raise if you'll do your job naked, what would you say?
Hell to the no. (For twenty you only get to see a bare shoulder.) HA HA!

3. Put yourself in a nutshell:
I wouldn’t fit in a nutshell.

4. Ever seen a ghost?
Nope, but I do believe in them.

5. Happy with your body?
80% of the time I feel so blessed to have a strong, functioning body. The other 20% is usually caused by societal pressure. How can you look at someone like Giselle Bundchen and NOT hate your body?

6. A reason you would move to Iceland:
If I had a place to live, and a job to go to, hell yeah!

7. A place you've lived that you miss:
Tacoma…or maybe College Station circa 1997. I couldn’t live there now.

8. A job you would never do no matter how much you werepaid.
I could not wipe heinies. I’m weird about boo-boo.

9. A band you thought was cool when you were 13:
Beatles, Skid Row, and uhhh…REO speedwagon… (NOT A WORD!)

10. You have a nightmare, who's the first person you think to call?
No one. I’m pretty self sufficient in that respect; I’d write it in my journal.

11. Wanna have kids before you're 30?
Can’t now, but I didn’t back then either.

12. A memory from high school:
Mr. Fleming’s English class, listening to his love of Dickens and the month of October.

13. Ever had a crush on one of your friend's parents?
NOOO! And the time Mr. Cramblet tried to watch the playboy channel at 2am in my room when I slept over at my friend’s apt in Austin STILL creeps me out! Dirty old man…

14. Naughtiest thing you've done at home?
Did it on the balcony upstairs, which is a little private, but not really private. (Sorry roomie, but that was a loooooong time ago) :-)

15. Do you look more like your mom, or your dad?
Prob. my dad, but I got my red hair from my mom. I act a LOT like my Dad, which is tough b/c he can be an a-hole. Ahem, I mean, WE can be a-holes.

16. Something you've always wanted to learn how to do:
Drive a race car.

17. Still friends with your exes?
No, that could be dangerous. That’s how I held onto a failing relationship for so long.

18. Where you'd like to be in 10 years:
Working as a speech therapist, and makin’ dat muney.

19. Something you learned about yourself this year:
I can do it! I can deprive myself of something that I truly miss for the betterment of my future. (Took long enough…)

20. What do you want for your birthday?
To have a great time with friends. Oh, and some cold hard cash from my fam. wouldn’t hurt. :-)

21. NAME THREE OR MORE THINGS YOU DID TODAY?
Went to my grandma’s, warmed up the tamales we made this weekend for my coworkers, listened to a friend who just lost her pet, made mental note to squeeze my li’l one extra tight tonight, rued the day hangovers were invented…y’know, the usual.

22. LAST ITEM YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF:
All by myself? Uh, I guess the beer that we all drank last night.

23. DO U HAVE AN ORNAMENT HANGING FROM UR REARVIEW MIRROR?
Nope.

24.WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Coffee

25. NAME A CELEBRITY YOU LOVE:
Jason Bateman. Ha ha! It’s true! I have the hots for Jason Bateman, I don’t care who knows!! J Whaddya mean, “Who is Jason Bateman?” Why, here he is now:

SWOON!


26. WHAT'S THE EFFA???
Isn’t that what Speedy Gonzalez says right before he takes off running? “Andale, andale, effa, effa!” (I don’t work at being a dork, it comes naturally)

27. HOW MANY HOURS OF SLEEP DO YOU GET A NIGHT?
I try to get at least 7.

28. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TIED UP?
Nooooo, but I may have tied a few knots myself. ;-)

29. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU WERE DOING RIGHT NOW?
Putting up my Christmas decorations. I took them all out, but never got a chance to put them up.

30. WHOS THE FIRST PERSON IN UR PHONE BOOK ON UR CELL?
Aesop

31. LAST TIME YOU WITNESSED A FIGHT?
JUST LAST WEEKEND!!! At a bar! A pretty nice bar, but I guess some ruffian was being a cur, and chingasos were thrown.

32. WHAT WAS THE LAST ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE YOU DRANK?
Bud light. Tooooo many bud lights.

33. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HAIR PULLED?
It’s happened once, it was done softly, and it was definitely hot.

34. NAME TWO PLACES YOU WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL TO:
IRELAND and Japan

35. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO ICE SKATE?
I have before, but methinks I would really suck at it now.

36. NAME SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE TO DO THATS OUT OF THE ORDINARY?
Answer these very egocentric and long questionnaires and, apparently, placing a sweater on my dog when it’s cold outside is not normal.

37. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BRAD PITT?
Very pretty. Cad. Loved him in 12 Monkeys, Snatch, and Fight Club.

38. Name a friend you have the most in common with?
Well, technically she’s not a “friend”, she’s my cousin, but we tend to see the world in a very similar way. (Most of the time)

39. Last person you talked with on the phone?
Co-worker

40. DO YOU OWN ANYTHING WITH A SKULL ON IT?
Not anymore….sniffle….

41. HAVE YOU TRAVELED TO EUROPE?
Yes, and I’m goin’ again in June.

42. LAST MOVIE YOU Seen?
Little Miss Sunshine.

43. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
At a party at Damon Miller’s house, in the closet, 7 minutes in heaven. (We were in the 8th grade and didn’t know how to fill all 7 minutes, so we made it 2 minutes in heaven) True story.

44. LAST BOARD GAME YOU PLAYED?
Trivial Pursuit

45. What will you be doing now?
I will be checking for spelling errors, then post this. Later, I will pick up my dog, go home, take a shower and hop straight into my soft, much missed bed. Asleep by 7:05 is my goal.

Actual E-mail Sent By Yours Truly, Friday, December 8th

My cell just rang and suddenly the song I have programmed as my ringtone came on the radio! How cool is that!?

Texting at The Club

Stuck in traffic this morning when I finally decided to bite the bullet and view what I had texted a friend of mine around 1:30am on Sunday morning. All I really knew when I awoke on Sunday is that I had texted someone while I was drunk, and that he had at some pointed ceased to respond. Both of these facts made me very uneasy. This morning I discovered that not only had it been mostly nonsense "I'm fmei, whir to drime!", and a couple of emphatic "You're much hotter!" messages (repeatedly sent, for some reason…) but the BEST news is that they were classified as "Sending in progress", which I am really hoping means that my hastily deleting them will eradicate them from the face of the earth forever and in perpetuity.

That was the first triumph of the morning. The second one came shortly thereafter when I began to read a few texts my cousin and I had shared at the club. Why yes, I did text while sitting at a table in a dance club. (Were you not able to read my previous admissions that my game sucks?) But these were my favorites*:

The cute guy in the suit CANNOT dance!

When I come back, see if the guy in front of us is scoping me

Which guy, in front of ME, me?

No, might be 2 short

WHO IS IT?

*These are from both my outbox and inbox, so as to protect the innocent. (And the guilty.)

I was laughing so hard this morning that my eye make-up began to run; it was great! We've decided that we'll have to work on our hand signals. We've already got one for "I'm not feeling this, let's lose this/these guy(s)". I'd relay the motion here, but I took a blood oath, I mean, a bloody mary oath, and I take that very seriously. Once we get it all worked out we'll pen a book, which I'm sure you'll either be able to find in the "Love/Relationships" section, or next to the books about semaphore. J

Then I had to go to a mandatory EEO (Equal Opportunity Employment) training where I learned that approximately 20% of the e-mails I send and receive are more than likely being tracked (b/c I already knew they were offensive-no one had to tell me that), that nonchalantly asking if/when one of my coworkers is retiring could result in a lawsuit, and lastly that people should not place sayings/Bible verses at the bottom of their e-mails, lest it offend external and/or internal customers. Yeah, I kinda wish I could've been stuck in traffic for a bit longer this A.M.

Hot Weekend...Or Not

Not a stellar weekend, but it was interesting enough. I hung out w/my cousin and we went to a singles bar in San Antonio. Note, I've never used the term "singles bar" before, but unlike other bars I've visited, you could just tell that this was a place single people go to in order to get the hook up. Not that it was a bad thing, I mean it didn't feel like a meat market or anything. Actually, I felt pretty comfortable there, not too old and not too young, but I have come to the not so startling conclusion that I have NO GAME! (Yeah, it seems like a very "No shit, Sherlock" kind of thing, but I've always considered myself a late bloomer.) I've just never been someone who goes to bars to get the hook-up, but I need to stop thinking in those terms and be open to meeting new guys. I was just used to going to bars when I had a boyfriend, which was so very easy. You just forget about eye contact all together, get your beer and have a great time! But going to a bar in order to throw your mack down and reel in some interesting men is something I have ZERO experience with. Well, at least I'm sure to provide entertainment for your guys in the meantime.

Another oddity I faced this weekend is my phone phobia. What is that, you ask? Well…..has anyone seen "My Life as a Dog"? It's an older foreign film, and a pretty good flick in general, (says I) but there's this part that I can kind of relate to. This kid has a fear of spilling his milk, and the anxiety level that he achieves in response to that fear is so great that it actually causes him to shake to the point of short circuiting, and basically throwing the milk out of his glass before it reaches his lips. (Uh…just to clarify: this whole movie is not about a boy and his fear of spilling milk, it really is a good movie). It's actually a very funny scene, but I think it's a literal embodiment of how our own fears/worries manifest themselves and shape our lives. -Sermon over, back to my neurotic ways- so there are times when I need to call someone, say on their b-day or something, and for some INSANE reason, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'll tell myself that they're busy (on the toilet, watching The Dog Whisperer, having sex), or that I'm not in a chipper enough mood to sustain a decent conversation. I was supposed to call my friend Jana, and all these funky random things kept getting in the way, which further convinced me that calling Jana would be a disaster of epic proportions.

Now, this is not all the time; don't tag an "A-HA!" moment on me (you know who you are!), as in "THIS is why she doesn't check her messages and return calls!" No, that is literally b/c I'm the master of my time and if I checked all my messages on a regular basis I would officially become the gopher of my extended family. As it is I am merely the unofficial gopher (single, childless women out there know what I mean), so I can still hang on to a small portion of my own time, but not checking my messages has become key. And as a sidebar, contrary to popular belief I do NOT screen my calls. If I'm home, or otherwise available to chat on my cell, AND I hear the phone ring (this is a biggie w/my cell), I will pick it up. This phobia only applies to those situations where it's an expectation that I call someone, and it could be anyone. One year, back in college, I literally didn't call my Dad on his b-day even though I thought about him all day long. I just couldn't bring myself to make that call; the expectations I placed on myself were just too high. STRANGE, yes, but I suspect that to some degree it happens to us all. What? YOU never got those digits for that hottie and had to psyche yourself up to pick up the phone? Well, it's kinda like that, only much more stupid and weird. I know…go-go-gadget therapy. :-( But to end on a good note, at least I know what NOT to talk about when I'm out there throwing out my luv vibe at the Club.

Layers of Rrroja

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Rrroja
Birthday: No thank you.
Current Location: My office in Texas
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Auburn
Righty or Lefty: Right (except when I bowl or throw darts)
Zodiac Sign: Sagitario

LAYER TWO:
Your fears: Not living up to my potential
Your perfect pizza: Conan’s Savage (jalapeños instead of onions)
Your current love: Rootie

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your thoughts first waking up: “Great, now you’ve only got 15 minutes to get ready! WHY do you do this to yourself?!”
Your best physical feature: Keratin (I’ve got nice hair and nails.)
Your bedtime: B/w 10:30-11:00
Your most missed memory: Snuggling

LAYER FOUR YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: BK Coffee RULES
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Hate Nestea!
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: Sometimes when I’m drinking
Take a shower: YES! (Baths don’t get the job done)
Think you've been in love: Yes
Believe in yourself: Yes
Like someone right now: I like lots of people. Am I “in like”? Nope.
Tell your friends you love them: No, but I feel that I show them.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: Yes
Gone to the mall? Nope
Been on stage: If presentations count, then yes.
Eaten Sushi: Just yesterday
Been dumped: Nope
Gone ice skating: No
Dyed your hair: No
Got asked out: Yes

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER:
Played a stripping game: No
Changed who you were with to fit in: Nope
Danced with a drag queen: No, but that would probably be fun.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD:
Age you're hoping to be married: Before I die.
Age you hope you die? 120
Age you want to have kids: See “Age you’re hoping to be married:”
Name 2 things you want to do: Visit Ireland, and find someone to share the rest of my life with.

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY:
Best eye color: Doesn’t matter
Best hair color: Doesn’t matter
Clothing style: Clean
Serious or funny: seriously funny

LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
1 min. ago : answering webmail
1 hour ago: Talking to a parent about student loans.
1 day ago: Cleaning my house.
2 years ago: Unhappy in a dead-end relationship

LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE:
I love: my family
I don't: want to make the same mistakes.
I feel: like a dumbass for drunk-texting a male friend last Saturday night.
I hate: using the word “hate”. It’s a very strong word, but I’ll go w/: stepping in dog doo.
I miss: Shawney Bear (The friend I had in my ex)
I need: to pay taxes and die. Other than that, I’m open for suggestions.
I want: to be financially secure enough to own my home, and have time/money to travel.
I would like to go: back in time so that I A) Would’ve flirted w/that cute guy who got in the fight. B) NOT texted my friend after consuming 4+ pints of Guinness and two Jaegerbomb shots. Ugh…

repost as: "11 layers of (your name here)