Hot Weekend...Or Not

Not a stellar weekend, but it was interesting enough. I hung out w/my cousin and we went to a singles bar in San Antonio. Note, I've never used the term "singles bar" before, but unlike other bars I've visited, you could just tell that this was a place single people go to in order to get the hook up. Not that it was a bad thing, I mean it didn't feel like a meat market or anything. Actually, I felt pretty comfortable there, not too old and not too young, but I have come to the not so startling conclusion that I have NO GAME! (Yeah, it seems like a very "No shit, Sherlock" kind of thing, but I've always considered myself a late bloomer.) I've just never been someone who goes to bars to get the hook-up, but I need to stop thinking in those terms and be open to meeting new guys. I was just used to going to bars when I had a boyfriend, which was so very easy. You just forget about eye contact all together, get your beer and have a great time! But going to a bar in order to throw your mack down and reel in some interesting men is something I have ZERO experience with. Well, at least I'm sure to provide entertainment for your guys in the meantime.

Another oddity I faced this weekend is my phone phobia. What is that, you ask? Well…..has anyone seen "My Life as a Dog"? It's an older foreign film, and a pretty good flick in general, (says I) but there's this part that I can kind of relate to. This kid has a fear of spilling his milk, and the anxiety level that he achieves in response to that fear is so great that it actually causes him to shake to the point of short circuiting, and basically throwing the milk out of his glass before it reaches his lips. (Uh…just to clarify: this whole movie is not about a boy and his fear of spilling milk, it really is a good movie). It's actually a very funny scene, but I think it's a literal embodiment of how our own fears/worries manifest themselves and shape our lives. -Sermon over, back to my neurotic ways- so there are times when I need to call someone, say on their b-day or something, and for some INSANE reason, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'll tell myself that they're busy (on the toilet, watching The Dog Whisperer, having sex), or that I'm not in a chipper enough mood to sustain a decent conversation. I was supposed to call my friend Jana, and all these funky random things kept getting in the way, which further convinced me that calling Jana would be a disaster of epic proportions.

Now, this is not all the time; don't tag an "A-HA!" moment on me (you know who you are!), as in "THIS is why she doesn't check her messages and return calls!" No, that is literally b/c I'm the master of my time and if I checked all my messages on a regular basis I would officially become the gopher of my extended family. As it is I am merely the unofficial gopher (single, childless women out there know what I mean), so I can still hang on to a small portion of my own time, but not checking my messages has become key. And as a sidebar, contrary to popular belief I do NOT screen my calls. If I'm home, or otherwise available to chat on my cell, AND I hear the phone ring (this is a biggie w/my cell), I will pick it up. This phobia only applies to those situations where it's an expectation that I call someone, and it could be anyone. One year, back in college, I literally didn't call my Dad on his b-day even though I thought about him all day long. I just couldn't bring myself to make that call; the expectations I placed on myself were just too high. STRANGE, yes, but I suspect that to some degree it happens to us all. What? YOU never got those digits for that hottie and had to psyche yourself up to pick up the phone? Well, it's kinda like that, only much more stupid and weird. I know…go-go-gadget therapy. :-( But to end on a good note, at least I know what NOT to talk about when I'm out there throwing out my luv vibe at the Club.