10 Things (Finally Figured Out What "You're Tagged" Means)

1. Unlike my only other sibling (brother), I have no middle name.

2. They stopped making my brand of lipstick 2 yrs ago, so I went on ebay and bought about 30 tubes. Still don't regret it.

3. I have never liked orange juice, but for the past 4 weeks I've been craving it almost daily.

4. When I was a little girl my mom made me wear my hair short, in the "Dorothy Hamill", and until she let me grow my hair (around the age of 12) I truly believed that people didn't know whether or not I was a boy or a girl.

5. I fear one day I'll wake up, look at the life behind me and realize I've become Miss Havisham.

6. Since I have a "nice" voice, I was chosen to record the messages students/parents hear when they call our office at Texas State, and while I'm not one for phone sex, I like to purr sweet nothings in a man's ear, (when I'm so inclined).

7. I have never seen an episode of Star Trek, Survivor, American Idol, or Grey's Anatomy.

8. When I'm driving I like to sing along to bands like Metallica, System of a Down, and Motorhead, but I sing Sara McLaughlan and Beatles songs a cappella when I'm in the shower.

9. Four of the guys that used to like me in high school are now out as gay men. (Read number 4 above, I'm telling you that TOTALLY messed me up!)

10. I like big butts, and I can not lie. (Actually, it's the tummies that are my favorite.) :-)

I Think I'm Dumb...I Think I'm Dumb....I Think I'm Dumb...

Moment in history: every guy I've ever fooled around w/(fooling around = more than a kiss = groping n' such), with the exception of my ex, is now one of my friends on myspace. No, I haven't fooled around with ALL my male friends on myspace, but it's still a strange feeling. I'm trying to figure out what that means about me. I've never been the type to stay in touch with people long term because I do believe that there are people put into your life during times when you really need them, that can't travel the whole way through with you. Think about it: your best friend in grade school was in your class or lived next door. They are friends not b/c you liked the same music and laughed at the same jokes, but b/c their parents chose to live close to where your parents chose to live. Does that mean you will really get along with them for the rest of your lives, or that you should try to get along with them for the rest of your lives? Sure they hold a special place in our hearts, and they are a part of our memories forever, but Tasha Butler got pregnant at 17, now has 4 children and 4 baby-daddies. I'm thankful that she taught me how to roller skate, but I'm not sure that means that I've got to go hang out at Brewskies on the weekend to keep in touch.

That being said, why am I still in contact with these guys? Does it mean that much to me? I don't think it does, but it must… AHH, I'm like the 40-Yr-Old Virgin putting the penis on a pedestal!!! (Well, I'm like the 40-yr-old Virgin for more than just that reason alone, I will admit) J I just believe in perception. If you think you're one way, but everyone else sees as being the opposite, which are you really? I mean, I can think I'm the sweetest person ever, but if 9 of 10 people who know me think I'm a bitch, what does that make me? So I've always THOUGHT that I was someone who could let go of people, but here I am with all the notches on my belt all close to me. TOO WEIRD!

I know, I know. Take a pill or a swill and just chill. I think too much.

(And there are 4)

What's Up Wit Me? What's Up Wit YOU!?

Been on a bit of a sabbatical from the rigors of blogging. -Kidding- I've been staying off the keyboard lately b/c quite frankly, my life has been sad and boring as of late, and I wouldn't want to drag those near and dear to me through the muck along with me. But things are definitely picking up. Tax time is 'round the corner and I am still of the income bracket that salivates at the mention of w-2's b/c yes, I get a refund. It'll allow me to pay off Best Buy, Capital One, and Wells credit cards. Providian and GenFin are next, which leads me directly to a big decision I've been needing to make: I'm not going back to school in the fall. I think the best course of action is to devote all of my abilities to those two semesters of leveling courses. Trying to figure a way to pay my mortgage and keep up w/my bills in addition to taking 15 hours of "weed out" courses just isn't the best plan for me.

Segway into my latest foray into moonlighting: I've been offered a position at the San Marcos Treatment Center. I had actually worked there before, and am a little apprehensive as I was "let go" last time. J Allright, basically the job is babysitting upwards of 15 kids, usually between the ages of 13-17, who have either been committed by their families, or the state of Texas. These kids all have been diagnosed as having some neurological problems which prevents them from interacting with other kids their age. Many have been physically and/or emotionally abused, and all are there for treatment. Think "Girl Interrupted" but without the smoking privileges. The wing I used to work in was actually a part of the Texas Youth Corrections; all of those boys had been convicted of some type of violent crime, but were not old enough to be housed in regular jail.

Why was I let go, you ask? Uhhh, well, I tend to be a bit of a firecracker when it comes to certain issues, and when one of your team members doesn't deem your life to be important enough so that he would leave you alone with 5-7 physically capable yet mentally challenged, volatile, male minors who have all been convicted of violent crimes so that he can flirt w/a staff member in a unit approximately 500 yards away from the building you've both been assigned to, things can get a little hairy. Especially when the most strapping and disturbed member of that group, after having been reprimanded, had previously looked you dead in the eye and stated: "I've been here 4 years and I know one day you're going to be alone, so you better watch it." Yeah…. $10.50 an hour aside, after relaying to this certain team member that his dick was putting my life at risk, and not seeing a change in his behavior, I walked out of the building and went straight to H.R. Whereupon they let me go for abandoning my post. Ha ha! They had no proof that he had left his station, but all the proof they needed was a watch b/c I was clearly on duty and not where I was supposed to be. (If ever one needed proof that anger makes you stupid…) But quite honestly, it afforded me w/some good, eye-opening experiences, namely how very lucky I truly am, and it was time to move on. This time around, it's only weekend work and a bevy of opportunities to earn up to $1,200 a month to put forth towards my debt. "We're Gonna Make it After All!" (throws hat in the air)

Next episode: Eric and I are going out for our last night on the square, which means that after tonight, each drink I imbibe will need to be tipped so that a sip in honor of my homie will go into the ground (through the core of the earth and dropped down to Greece where he's attending his final undergrad semester). And my BIG superbowl plans which include Dave N' Busters, football, wings, beer, (and maybe a bit of flirting w/fellow male patrons). It's time to get down to business after February, so these last few hurrahs will have to purge my demons for at least the next 5 months. Yeah...I'm thinking gratuitous nudity and some piercing may be called for. Stay tuned!

At Least Someone's Blog is Funny, as of Late

Here's the 100 Most Annoything Things of 2006 that I got from retroCRUSH, penned by Robert Berry. My fave's:

93 Basic Instinct 2
With all the celebrity crotch shots available for free on the internet, who wanted to pay $10 to see Sharon Stone's again?

87 Fauxhawks
Mohawks for people that want to show that they're edgy, but still need an exit plan if it doesn't work out. Fauxhawks are the clip-on ties of the punk rock world.

50 James Blunt
His song "You're Beautiful" is an aural holocaust. His vocals remind me of that guy who's singing "I Gave My Love A Cherry" at the toga party in Animal House right before John Belushi smashes his guitar to bits.

38 Paris Hilton Perfume
Save yourself some cash and just dab juice from a tuna can on your neck.

29 The Florida Seminole Tribe
Taking advantage of a depressed economy, they bought the entire Hard Rock Cafe company for pennies on the dollar. They could have at lest thrown in some pretty beads to make it a fair trade.

7 Ann Coulter
Claimed 9/11 widows enjoyed their husband's deaths in her book Godless: The Church of Liberalism. If you think that was a controversial title, it's at least more marketable than the publisher's original suggestion, "Attention Whore: Rants From An Irrelevant Cunt."

And if none of these made you smile, then I guess you wouldn't need to go here to see the rest.

Sho 'Nuff

I saw an old friend the other day, Denise, who was actually from the days w/my ex. I've always liked hanging out w/her and her husband, but everyone knows how it goes when a couple splits up; somehow the person that knew them first gets to "keep" them. In all honesty, she would be the only person out of all of my ex's friends that I would want to keep in contact with. Anyway, we're now friends on myspace and I didn't want to just be "dead weight" on her page, so I commented her w/a goofy picture. The next day I went back to her page to see if she'd checked her myspace yet (please tell me this is normal myspace behavior), when I discovered that the then 19-yr-old who was putting the make on my then-boyfriend, had placed a comment directly after me.

I'm not stupid. I checked out Denise's page quite thoroughly before posting a comment b/c I don't want to make waves. Initially I knew Shawn was a friend of hers on myspace, which is why I didn't initiate myspace friendship w/her to begin with. When I approved the request to be friends, I noticed that she had taken him off her friends list. I wasn't totally shocked; when we ran into each other she had stated that she rarely, if ever, spoke w/him anymore, and she didn't sound very approving of his lifestyle. Of course, I never asked her about him b/c that's just not part of my life anymore. Or so I had told myself….

Yup, checked out that girl's myspace page to find that she and my ex are together. Got to see his comments to her on New Year's Eve. It was a dorky picture and some comment like "I know what you'll be doing later. I love you." So today I learned that nothing else instantly makes you want to puke more than seeing your ex tell the chick he swore up and down he never cheated on you with that he loves her. Wait… seeing the countdown clock until they leave for Vegas…that one really made me feel like shit too.

Your ex doesn't turn into a eunuch after you break up w/him (though that would be nice) and who he's loving now is so none of my business. But I can't help but feel like Gwenyth Paltrow's character in "Sliding Doors", what we me working my ass off, trying to get a second job and going back to school to get back to where I was financially before I met Shawn, (that was the last time I had zero credit card debt, which is no coincidence) and the whole time he's been happy w/someone else. He hasn't gone through the loneliness or the pain of being single; he was taken care of all along. And I was just the dumbass that would wake up at 11:30 pm to make sure he had a hot meal waiting for him when he got off work at midnight those last couple of months when I suspected something was up, but had not yet found the phone bills to bolster my suspicions. And how he had me believing his ridiculous explanations for things, and made me think I had turned into some suspicious half-crazed harpy. Someone making you question your sanity just so that they can have a gf take care of them AND bone some chick on the side shouldn't be allowed to have it that easy.

Y'know, after the first big cry, I realized that I don't really care about all that, and I just HAVE to find a way to let go of all of this. All I can hope is that what happened in the movie will hold true; out of all of these hard lessons will come the life I've always dreamed of having. Finding an honorable man who will be my best friend, having enough money to own a house and travel a bit, and having a fulfilling career that pays well. People create their own problems, and I'm getting through the ones I've created for myself. I don't really know how to end this, but I can't help but feel that I've somehow backslid into a place of betrayal, when there is nothing there left to get upset over. I never wanted the life he could give me, so what do I care if he's giving that life to someone else?

Here is a direct cut/paste from my blog during that tumultuous time when Shawn and I first broke up:
1/31/06
So he's gone and the winds of change are a'blowin'. I dunno, it doesn't burn as much as I thought it would. Maybe it's because he did me wrong, and I don't cotton to that sort of treatment. You can pull my hair, curse me out, encourage me to gain weight, (yes, he was quite a dream guy, don't you agree?) but don't you cheat on me dammit because then all bets are fucking OFF! I say that as if I were pursuing him in some negative campaign to make him pay for hurting me. While I cannot say the thought had never crossed my mind, I will say that I'm too busy focusing on my bright "gotta-wear-shades" future, so I don't have the time or energy. Also, a part of me believes that the best punishment is the absence of me. He left b/c of the bad (can you believe I wanted him to shower and brush his teeth and wear clean socks & underwear EVERY DAY?!) and that means he also gets none of the good. So I hope he's enjoying the view in his sparsely decorated apartment, soaking up the stench of stale cigarette smoke and dried out pieces of Little Ceasars pizza, as they lay decaying in their boxes. Yup, life is looking up for that guy. And lots of luck to that 19-year-old child who thinks he's the best thing since Summer's Eve odor masking douches; she'll get all that she's bargained for and more. You're right sweetie, I guess I wasn't treating him right, and now here's your chance to be exposed to his abusive, selfish, and evasive behavior. Just remember that women who steal other people's men are doomed to walk the next life as cockroaches (that's why there are so many of them).

I wanna go back, and I don't even know how I got off the track... Much love and thanks to Michele and Jana for listening to me blubber this weekend. This too shall pass.