What I Can't Do...

...when I have to wake up at 4:30am to catch a plane leaving at 7:00AM:

1. Putting on my underwear right-side-in [hour 1]
2. Deducing that if crap coffee from a gas station, and crap cappuccino from a gas station are both $.79 cents per cup, you'd get more caffeine in your system by picking the dessert-like cappuccino. (Apparently I can't drink more than two sips of really shitty coffee before throwing it away.) [Hour 2]
3. Successfully get a tube of make-up past the "Liquid Police" at the airport, as they found my "mascara bomb" yet again on my carry-on luggage, and (yet again) held me up to search through every facet of my belongings. (Thankfully I had a zip lock bag handy, which somehow satisfactorily acts as Kevlar.) [Hour3]
4. Notice that the motion sensors controlling the water in the Houston Hobby ladies' room cannot tell the difference b/w a human hand and the all leather Coach backpack I recently (and quite triumphantly) purchased on Ebay, and nonchalantly placed in the sink. I did quickly recognize that human hands are MUCH easier to dry. [Hour 7]
5. Realizing that "Roly Poly" is no longer selling wraps, though I've spent nearly 15 minutes in their parking lot situating my belongings in my car while looking for the book I had intended to read during the lunch I was surreptitiously taking once I finally arrived in San Marcos. [Hour 10]
6. Finding a suitable substitute for lunch once you've prepared yourself for a nice, hot wrap from "Roly Poly". [Hour 10]
7. Actually attaching the documents you're supposed to e-mail to folks, and heeding such minor details as "Reply All". [Hour 12]
8. Recognize the number of a student who keeps calling you (thereby avoiding said student), in order to set up a appointment to have you "model" for her Mary Kay project, i.e., come to her home so that she can try to make you buy a bunch of make-up you don't need. [Hour 13]
9. Not cry when Bonnie Rait's "I Can't Make You Love Me" comes on the radio on your drive home from work [hour 14]
10. Refrain from driving 70 mph in a small town like Seguin when the city speed limit is 45. (But my house was SOOO close; it was a subconscious thing!) [Hour15]
11. Abstain from checking myspace [Hour 17]

And yet there is not enough sleep haze in the world to have me thinking that 5 hours in a rental car is worse than the crap I had to go through today in order to begin traveling at 5am and arrive at my destination SEVEN HOURS LATER! A trip from the valley to San Marcos should not be (and in my experience has not been) such a pain in the ass.

G'night all! Tales of my fantastically frantic month to follow. (Maybe)