Crimeless Victim

Fallout from lack of sleep has crossed over from silliness to buffoonery; this morning I thought my purse had been stolen. I called into work, cancelled a couple of cards, woke up my roommate and tenderly (I hope) wondered if she had any acquaintances over to the house last night. Sigh….

In my defense I will say that I've had quite a history of losing things. I didn't even carry a purse until about 5 years ago; I could only trust myself to carry a backpack b/c forgetting about it didn't change the fact that it was strapped to my person therefore could not be left behind. But when I started this job I felt like a poseur, carrying a backpack when I knew full well that I wasn't a student.

When I was a little girl (and losing stuff a lot) my mom tried to give me a tip: pick certain places and always put certain things in those certain places. For example, I try very hard to always place my keys either on my kitchen table, on my dresser, or the right edge of the bed. I also place my rings and watch either on the top of my dresser, my desk, or sometimes by the bathroom sink. In that same vein, I try to keep my purse either in the car or by my desk. I do NOT ever set it down anywhere b/c I will leave it. Just like I lost my wallet at the gas station (drove off w/it on top of my trunk), my social security card at the insurance office, and my passport at my mom's house. (Yes, all w/in the past 12 months. No, I've never been a pothead.)

Since I'm trying to save money, I have been spending more time preparing meals for myself in order to avoid leaking my paycheck, drop by drop, into the restaurant industry. This does take more planning and time, which is sometimes a luxury I am willing to forego. Last night was one of those times. After just having had dinner w/my Dad I realized that it was almost 9:30, and I started to mentally map out the rest of my week. I quickly realized that I didn't want to get busy in the kitchen for the next day's lunch. ( I am also currently out of staples that make up a fast lunch, such as sandwich fixin's, and I wanted to brave the grocery store even less than I wanted to go home and cook.) Soooo, I had a brain flash and decided to get a five dollar pizza from Little Cesars instead. Sure, I'd just bag the slices, stick the bags in the freezer, and VIOLA! 4 meals, ready to go! I park my car, grab my wallet (NOT my purse, which was sitting in the front seat), make the purchase, place the pizza in the backseat, and either place my wallet on top of the pizza box, or I placed it back inside of my purse. Either way, I had a pizza, my dog, and some miscellany my father had sent w/me to juggle up the stairs. I then dispensed w/the food, took my shower, and went to bed.

Fast fwd to this morning on my way to work. I'm about 5 minutes from the office when I suddenly remembered that I needed to make a purchase before work (I'll explain more later, but for now I'm keeping those details under my hat), and my eyes begin to look for my purse. (THIS is my problem! If I don't need it right then, it just doesn't matter to me! Hmmm, this may explain a lot about my lifestyle in general…) Anyway, I can't find it. I look at the front seat and see nothing. I begin to backtrack and feel around in the backseat to see if at least my wallet is in the car. I come up empty both times. THAT is weird, and my thought processes are as follows:

1. I almost never take my purse out of my car after work unless I'm paying bills and need my checkbook. (Do I just take my checkbook out? NOPE! Purse comes too, otherwise I'll lose my checkbook. I know me…I've done it.)
2. I could have SWORN I placed the wallet on top of the pizza box in the back seat.
3. Even if I did take my purse upstairs, my wallet should still be in the car.

Fallible memory engaged: I see the unlocked door to my car this morning as I'm climbing in, and I mentally chastise myself for not locking my car last night. This recollection causes me to find a place to stop so that I can really look for my wallet. Again, I come up empty. Dubious brain begins another cycle:
1. Unknown truck parked in my driveway this morning, an assumed friend of my roommate.
2. I knocked out early last night, so maybe she had some friends over.
3. And maybe an open purse in the front seat and a wallet in the back seat in an unlocked car proved too tempting for some broke college student who happened to be at the home of a friend of a friend.

Now I'm in "holy shit" mode. I call the office and tell them I think my purse may be stolen and I have to go back to Seguin to look for it. I turn around and immediately call my bank to cancel my checkcard. They also put a fraud alert on the account, which means I cannot use any drive-thru tellers or ATMs, even if/when I get the new card. Sure sure, of course I agree to anything.

It hits me: my roommate is probably still home. Asleep. Is this an emergency? I'm already headed home. If it's gone, it's gone; can't change that, right? 15 minutes go by. Of all the things I've lost over the years, I can barely count the items that have been stolen. Never been burglarized, never been mugged, never been robbed. Well, it's funny that of all the times in my life, this is the worst time to rip off the Aimster. Ha ha! Nothing in my wallet but ID cards (easily replaced) and some business cards that I probably didn't want to begin with. Oh…and the credit card my Dad gave me that has a $60,000 limit. He and my mom's lifetime of sturdy credit now in the hands of some amoral Seguinie Weenie who is probably sleeping off the hangover from the night before that my credit card has afforded him/her! I HAVE TO KNOW!

I called my roommate and woke her up. She was very gracious about it, and when I brought up the fact that there was a strange car in the driveway, she immediately stated her friend was right next to her. NOOO, I didn't think anyone SHE knew did it, I just wanted to know if she had people over last night. And, whenever she could, if she would peek upstairs to see if, for some crazy, improbable reason, I had unnecessarily lugged up one more item last night in my zombie-like state of being. She sleepily grunted in the affirmative and I apologized profusely for having to rouse her due to my dumbassery.

As my intro implies, my purse was not stolen, it was most definitely in my kitchen, and I had undoubtedly passed by it at LEAST 5 times this morning while making coffee, packing my lunch, and grabbing my keys. (I never do all these things at once; I tend to be a scattered morning person.) And the shame I now bear as having implied that one of my roommate's friends was less than trustworthy, coupled with having to undo the fraud protection at my bank, is just one more sign that all work and no play makes Aimee a dull, bird-brained, girl.

El Passed My Week in El Paso

Back from El Paso (The Big Jalapeño!), and trying hard to forget it! Actually, besides the scheduling screw-ups, having every bit of moisture in my body sucked up by the atmosphere, and getting yelled at daily, things went relatively well. I did get to make out w/a hottie, which was REALLY great! I realized I haven't made out w/anyone since last May, so I guess my body just knew when it was time to "refuel". I regret that I didn't get any contact information b/c this guy was really hot. (Yes, I checked the morning after w/the sober half of the duo and it was affirmed that my beer goggles were clear. How he feels about HIS beer goggles, I know not.) What I don't regret was snogging on a sidewalk in El Paso in what can only be described as "making out like our plane was going down!". I don't know if the fact that I did it means that I'm getting more mature or less mature, but I do know that I've thought about him every day since then and immediately get embarrassed, so yes, I am still a soft-hearted twit, and no, this will not become a normal part of my bar-going repertoire.

I have also been spending an inordinate amount of time at the IRS job, what w/today being the tax deadline and all, and have noticed there is a direct correlation b/w the amount of time I spend working, and the frequency of apologies I have recently made. My brain is just not functioning well on the small amount of sleep I've been getting, causing me to forgo some of the small niceties I usually afford society. Examples? Let's see…openly defying the director of your office at an All-Staff meeting, "CC"ing everyone and their dog when trying to suggest changes to an existing program, and for some reason I've gotten all "kissy" lately, which is not me at all. The other day I gave my friend Chris a peck on the cheek after leaving a bar (but I missed and got his ear, which is probably REALLY confusing the crap out of him), and then I kissed my friend Eric on the forehead before leaving his house yesterday morning. Uhh, that came out wrong: he let me sleep on his couch the other night after a 12-hr shift at work, which I am eternally grateful for.

Easter was sad b/c I worked that day, though I did get to participate in an egg hunt at my IRS job. I was surprised at how fun it was! I mean, really, the elated feeling of running around to "get alla eggs!" (get it? All the/Allah?) is something I haven't experienced since I was 10 or so, and I know now that I just didn't appreciate the giddiness of it all back then. The sad part was that I didn't see any family members, and my Dad's dog, Nicky (Rootie's sister) may have either been taken or eaten by coyotes the week before, so my mom was too sad to do much (even call her only daughter). Combined w/ V-day, her polls are way down for 2007!

Not that I've had much time to miss it, but I'm getting used to not having cable T.V. I don't know that I want to become one of those eggheads who can no longer related to pop culture, so I'm sure that as soon as I get more of my debt paid off I'll invest in some sort of televisual exposure. No cable and no paying to watch movies, which means I have begun to shift my focus towards reading. (It's typical of me to cut out some seemingly unhealthy part of my life only to shift the pressure to another aspect of my life.) You see, I was involved in a misunderstanding with the local public library, so I now have to purchase books I want to read. It's no so bad as long as I can stay out of a book store, but going to Barnes & Nobles twice during the past week has set me back about 50 bucks, AND I haven't even pre-ordered the final Harry Potter yet! I'm certain that I will spend at least another $50 on books before the month is up, which is more than I was paying for stupid cable!! Out of the pot and into the fire...sigh.... And all I can think is: "Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!" Ha ha! Thanks to Katie for her contribution to my lack of cable by way of lending me a DVD. If anyone else wants to give to the cause, it's 1100 River Oak Dr. in Seguin, 78155. (Returns w/in 2 weeks or you can impose late fees*.) :-)

* Fee= fine paid w/MONEY, not favors! ONE random make-out and my reputation is demoted to "easy tart"? You guys are harsh!