Vodka Death Wishes, and Clayton Salmon Dreams

Dreamt about Clayton Salmon again. What is WITH me? Is it normal to have a crush since the second grade and STILL dream about someone? Geez… And it was one of those "Dammit I really wish the dream was real life and I hate the fact that I have to wake up." dreams. It's just pathetic that I only "knew" him from 2nd grade to 6th grade, and he moved away. THEN, in 2001 I saw him at the Bocktoberfest (before it got all commercial & shitty), but I was so drunk I don't remember what conspired. From my recollections, which could admittedly be skewed as I'm sure my brain would try to protect me and bury any inappropriate behavior, but I went up to him and said "Hey, I knew you at Mary B. Erskine elementary!" and we shook hands, but he was actually finishing up his conversation w/someone else, so he hadn't given me his full attention yet. I try to walk away but he wouldn't let go of my hand; he was keeping me there until he could end his conversation w/ la otra. I then realized I needed another beer, so I somehow (and for some STUPID, chickenshit reason!) got from his grasp and stood in the beer line. That's all I remember, and I pray that's all that transpired. A missed opportunity would be just that, whereas an occasion to be a jerk or otherwise make an ass of myself to my biggest crush EVER is something I'd rather not bear.

Anyway, my dream: At a school as a student when I see Clayton. I realize that I'm no longer that scared person who won't say hello for fear of rejection. I make a rather droll quip at the right time, and get his attention. W/in 15 minutes we're watching a movie in class and he's holding my hand. A-yup. That was my wonderful dream that I didn't want to wake up from. I don't know exactly what this means, but I hope I have the dream again tonight. For all I know he turned out to be a wife-beater, deadbeat dad or even worse…a cop, but in my dreams he's my hand-holding knight in shining armor. (I'm down w/the simple things, what can I say?)

Some clarifications:
Mystery Shopper-
On the day I thought my purse had been purloined, I was on my way to buy my coworker Katie a b-day cake. Since that fell through, and we were taking her out to lunch that Friday, I decided to just wait until Friday to get cake. I didn't want to "spill the beans" before then. THAT was the "mystery" reason I was going to the store that morning. (Not for a pregnancy test, fungus cream, or any other "dirty" secret, though I'm sorry the reason is not more scandalous.)

Bloody Aimee-
During my stint as an invalid, I had occasion to watch a series of movies, which I had shared. The order in which I watched these movies should have been better thought out. I watched Fight Club, which got me all jazzed up, feeling anarchist, and wanting to get into chingasos with someone- anyone- even if I lost. Then I saw Seven, which again affirmed that a sinister streak runs throughout humanity and is an inescapable product of being born, and THEN I watched Big Lebowski. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I succumb to the power of suggestion. When I see someone drinking white Russians over and over again, dammit, I WANT ONE TOO! So, that's what I did. During Big Lebowski, I also began to give myself a pedicure. Being that I was in the process of imbibing vodka and distracted by a movie, I accidentally cut myself. The blood was mesmerizing.

Now, this part is sketchy, and yes, quite weird. I had high school flashbacks of when I used to cut myself. Why did I used to cut myself? I dunno…stupid hormonal, goth, angst-ridden immaturity. Nothing serious, it was always hidden, and it stopped after my first year of college. Why I felt the need to relive the experience last week? I attribute it to alcohol (I told you guys, I just don't like liquor! Beer = happy Aimee. Liquor = Scenes from Blind Date and other scariness.), ibuprofen, Tylenol Cold, antibiotics, and the aforementioned themes of dark ideas and bloodshed. What I came up with? I'm now wearing make-up on my legs, and foolishly recounting what an idiot I am. Perhaps this penance will serve me the next time I get fascinated w/my platelets.

To finish on a good note I will say that my IRS job is officially over next weekend. Then off to Leslie's wedding in Colorado, a quick trip to Padre for Memorial Day weekend (long story), and hopefully down to Mexico w/my friend Adlai in early June. Liver, don't fail me now!