Padre Vs. My Padre

This is a long one, so I broke into parts. What I wouldn't do for you guys....

So most of you know that my father and I had a falling out about 5 months ago. I guess it really all started two yrs. ago when my folks bought a second home on "The Island", or N. Padre. At first they were very proud of the house and it served as a get-away from real life. My parents are generous people and as such they were very willing to have family and friends either join them on the weekends, or use the house when they were not able to get to the coast themselves. I stayed a few times; once w/friends, once w/my ex, and also w/my cousin. I think that 3 weekends in 1 & a half years is not abusive, and actually felt a bit like my parents got more enjoyment from having me use that house than I did. For me it was an opportunity, sure, but also another expense and more driving. For them it was a chance to share something they are proud of.

Pt. 2: My brother, his wife, and 2 sons live in Corpus, about 20 minutes from N. Padre. (Yes, this is another reason they chose the area.) My bro is a worrywart like my mom, and always has been. Since she understands him so much (Remember: Mom & bro are alike/me & Dad are alike), and he was wanting to sell his house for something bigger for the boys to grow up in, she allied his worries of selling his home by offering him the house in N. Padre. Y'know, for a month or so until they found a home they liked. Why couldn't he just buy a home before selling his? He's a cautious guy-read:weenie-, and why couldn't he rent a home? See aforementioned sentiment. Now, I don't think he abused the situation, but he was the reason my parents were unable to use their get-away home for roughly 7-8 weeks, which was tough for them, especially my dad. He never offered the house to his son, it was mom who so vehemently defended her son's right to usurp her vacation home.

Pt. 3: It's October, and mom had-again-offered the house before talking to Dad. This time it was to me, (for my b-day weekend in Dec.) I was at my folk's house in Seguin (usual Sunday fare) to chat and somehow got embroiled in this debate b/w my folks as to whether or not I could use the house in Padre that weekend. I shall also share that my father had had a good amount of wine that Sunday, which may have colored the discussion a bit. The end result: "Aimee, since your mother has made this offer to you, I will honor it but that's it. There will be no other occasion that you would use my house." Uhhhh….what? Mom gets my attention, signals that he's drunk, he agreed, so I need to drop it. So I did just that. Birthday weekend? Best. Weekend. Ever.

Pt. 4: My folks are going to be in Chicago for a weekend and I think it would be cool to use the house, but I remember what my Dad had said. So I do what any self-respecting, spoiled daughter would do: I asked my mom. She said sure. Later on we've just had dinner. Wine was flowing. (Sense a theme here?) The topic comes up. 2 hours later I'm still getting lectured to about how that house is not a party house. It is made clear to me that it is not my home, and that I have no business in that house unless my father or my mother is present. Sure, that stung, but I respect that. I know that I'm really getting the fallout from my brother invading my Dad's space for so long, but that's OK. It is their house; I don't lay claim to anything my parents have earned, and it was never a huge deal for me to go "use" the house to begin with.

The part that bothered me is that my father has no problem with me being at either of their homes when they need me to do them favors such as watering plants, picking up and delivering papers, getting their dry cleaning, or taking care of my Dad's (late) dog, Nicky. I bring up that fact and state that if that is true, and I would not be expected to be at either of their houses at any time for any reason, if they are not present, then those instances would cease. Furthermore, anyone who felt that uncomfortable with me being in their house while they are not there made me feel uncomfortable about being there at all. And that's where it ended. (Two Rrrrojas butting heads is a baaaad thing)

Pt. 5: It's about 3-4 weeks after our house "discussion". Mom calls me at work. She's griping about Dad, and lets it slip that my "cousin", twice removed, is staying at their house in Padre w/her husband and their kid. It's effectively kicking my folks out, but my "cousin" had asked to stay there, and Dad had said yes. !!!!!! The not-party house? Their home? My father would afford this to a woman who is in no way related to him (she's from my mom's side AND she's adopted), before he would let his daughter stay there. This sounds silly, but it really really shook the foundation my world is built on.

I feel close to my family. I know that no matter how bad this world gets, if I ever needed ANYTHING, they would be there for me. Anything that they have that I would ever need would be offered to me, and it's reciprocated. That comes at a cost, of course; being the gopher for my folks (as relayed above) isn't always fun, but y'know…they're my folks. Sure they take me for granted, and yes many people don't "get" why it doesn't bother me more, but that's family. Or, that WAS my family.

After hearing that, I was a mess. I involuntarily began to sob. At work. In my office. I just could not believe, for anything, that my Dad would make me feel that way. Anyone but you, Aimee. Your brother, my friends, distant relatives…ANYONE can use my second home, but you may not. ?? I'd never abused the privilege, from not using it often (it had ALWAYS been offered to my first by my folks before I had ever made plans to go there), to leaving it cleaner when I left than when I got there. Mom immediately got nervous and begged me not to "go there" (where does she learn that shit?). Questions reared up: What am I doing in Seguin? My mom lives in Corpus and my Dad has a more vested interest in strangers, so what the hell am I hanging around for? Why am I investing money in that house? I could live very cheaply in an apartment, NOT have roommates, and NOT worry about money so much. Yes folks, I wigged out. It was tantamount being outdoors and suddenly understanding a conversation between two chattering squirrels; it just blew my widdle mind.

Pt. 6: So things have been very tense b/w me and my father. Our relationship has always been one of me respecting him to the utmost; I didn't curse or say coarse things, even the word "shut-up" was verboten. That changed. In the past 4 months, I even drank enough wine to tell him that I've known he cheated on my mom since the age of 16, and that's what has shaped my distrust of men. TAKE THAT! And I hope you can hear the wails of eggs falling from my aging ovaries every night before you sleep! (well…I didn't say that last part). There have been many get-togethers in Padre, and I haven't been to any of them. It's not this huge act of defiance, I'd just really didn't feel comfortable there.

Pt. 7: In early May my Dad and I were having dinner at his house in Seguin and he told me that he and Mom were not going to stay in Padre for Memorial Day. He then asked me if I would please stay there, and to take anyone I'd like. !! I thanked him and said I'd think about it. As I'm driving home later that evening, my mom calls and tells me that this is my Dad's way of apologizing, and to please accept; if I didn't, who knew how long it would go on. And I knew she was right.

Jana and I had a wonderful time there, and I've since spent Father's Day there as well. As a matter of fact, Dad and I drove up together on Father's Day, and shared our similar sense of humor, our stories of the past (but not of work-Dad get soooo bored when I talk about work), and also indulged in our secret love of ELO. So sleep tight, little ones; the Rrrroja and Fam. are going to be all right.

StWRONG Headed

Ahh, the series of unlikely, senseless events that, when strung together, constitute the life of one Aimee Needles… Elsewhere in this blog you will find references to certain...predilections in reference to my spending 80% of my waking hours sharing a public restroom. What I haven't divulged is that things have gotten worse, I'm afraid. I have somehow come to the conclusion that using only one of two specific stalls is the best way to limit my exposure to the least amount of other people's DNA as possible (in my head-I've got no evidence for or against my methods).

Today, as I walked into the 9-stalled pubic bathroom, there was only one other person in a stall. The stall right next to one of the stalls I frequent. Since I don't want to be a hypocrite and sit down next to her (besides, I didn't know what she was "doing" in there), and I didn't to just stand stupidly in a mostly empty public bathroom and expose all of my neurosis, I tried a fake-out. I stepped into an empty stall in order to wait out the other woman so that I could use "my" toilet once she had gone. Everything went according to plan until, upon attempting to leave my hideout stall, I felt something wet on the back of my right calf. Horrified, I looked down to discover a portion of my skirt had dipped into the toilet. AAAAHHHHHH!!!

I calmed myself….reminded myself of this story, and rationalized that the contamination was below my knee, I only had to wait until it dried, and would bleach the hell out of myself when I got home later tonight. I even told a couple of office-mates in an attempt to get sane opinions about the situation. No. Such. Luck. Both of them suggested I go home to change, to which I knew that spending the gas/time/comp. time was just plain silly. Off I went to meet the rest of my day.

Roughly one hour later I'm feeling lightheaded, nauseous, and just all-around pukie. I tried to drink some cold water to quell my urge to urp, but to no avail. I cannot believe that my mind is able to do this! I mean, I really, genuinely felt ill, but I knew it was just the revulsion of my situation that was causing me to feel bad. So, it's 2pm, I'm home from work, and having driven home in only my chones and taken a very looooong, hot shower, I'm feeling much better.

Don't you just love happy endings?! (Huh huh huh huh huh…) :-)

Thank you, Cable Fairy!

So I stopped paying for satellite cable about 6-8 weeks ago, but the downstairs TV has about 20 or so channels w/Time Warner, b/c of my internet connection, and it's only an extra 12 bucks per month.

My internet went out Friday, so the cable guy came in to fix it today. --confession-- OK, so I haven't had sex in about 18 months now, so a single guy my age, in my home, with working hands...yeah ok, I was a bit flirty. --confession over-- The point of the story is that he's gone, my internet is fixed (that is NOT a euphamism for anything, I SWEAR!), and now instead of my crappy 18 channels that I pay for, I've got FULL CABLE with HBO!!! The only thing I've been jonesing for worse than a roll in the hay is the freakin' DISCOVERY CHANNEL, and here it is! YESSSSSSSSSS!

It's June 18th, and Aaaaaallll's Weee'eeellll!

This weekend was pretty damned cool! I've been having a rough couple of weeks, as many of you know, but through the counsel of my family and friends (and tequila), I've been able to step back and have a bit of fun. Not "ALL RIGHT!" kind of fun, more like "Ah-yeah….que tranquilo" kind of fun, which is more what I need at present, so it's all good.

Thursday and Friday I was stricken w/back pain. It was my fault; when I was changing out the water cooler at work, I felt something not so good and my back was a bit stiff/sore afterwards. So what did I do later that Wednesday evening? I moved my Stairmaster from the extra room to my guest bedroom, 'cause I'm smart like that. I have negotiated that behemoth through those two doorways many many times, but this time it cost me. Afterwards I KNEW I was in trouble, so I took a hot shower, swallowed a sleeping pill, and went directly to bed. Nine hours later I was in the throes of "I CAN'T MOVE due to SEARING PAIN RADIATING from my SPINE!!!!" I call in sick, then I call a doctor who states the appts. are almost all double-booked so I'd have to wait for a cancellation, or take an appt. the NEXT DAY at 11am. I explained the situation, and that all I really needed was a prescription to ease the pain…uh…no REALLY, I'm not a junkie, FOR REAL! Sighhhh… I tried my normal doctor in San Marcos, who had an appt. open, but if I can barely sit upright to go pee, I didn't see how I was going to manage a 25 minute drive to secure meds, plus another 25 back. Long story a little shorter….all hail the makers of muscle relaxers!

So when did the cool weekend start? Right about when the Skelaxin hit my blood stream! Ha ha! Actually, I went to Padre, per my father's request, and brought Rootie along (who hasn't had any more seizures, thank God). I got to play w/my nephews, I was able to drink a rum-laced beverage on the beach, and I got home in time to change out two light switches, only one of which exploded. YEAH! Really, I am quite proud of the one I didn't blow up, and now that I know why the other one did (the ground wire was pushed back REALLY far, so I never saw it), all I need to do is purchase another one, not electrocute myself, and voila! I'll have light in the downstairs hall again! Did I mention I also replaced the innards in my toilet? Yup, Babs Vila, that's me! Of course, I still call the plumbing that makes the toilet flush "innards", but I'm getting there! I'm also realizing that the sense of accomplishment I got from fixing things around the house actually rivals the euphoria of retail therapy. Then again…you can't slip on a pair of light fixtures and a flusher do-hickie, feel like one sexy tigress and dance the night away, so retail therapy still wins. Well… unless you also happen to be wearing a tool belt and your dancing partner is a pole. Ha ha! Well, I'll save that for another blog.

Shit or Shinola?

No blogging lately, and you know what that means….my life has been mired in SHIT as of late. Some of you know this, and for those that don't I'll give you a quick breakdown:

1. I got royally shafted at my job. My boss got promoted which left an opening. I realized that they weren't automatically shifting me into the position, but things were tense b/w me and the director (have been for a while), so I figured I'd have to formally apply, but no biggie. Next thing I know, a counselor who has been in our office for about 9 months (which also fully encompasses all of her experience in financial aid), is now my supervisor. It's an interim position, so while I'm still being encouraged to apply for the position, this is the singular most unexpected, humiliating event of my life. (Not being dramatic; even w/my ex was unfaithful I always knew the end of that relationship was a foregone conclusion. This shit really blindsighted me.)

2. In trying to find a new job, I've been considering a position w/INS. I've always wanted to travel, and I feel that I'm getting to the age where if I want to experience certain things, that should be done soon; I don't want to be a 45-yr-old transient. My only issue w/that is Rootie. This may sound nutty, but she's my family; I'm just not as happy when she's not around. This past weekend she had a grand mal seizure that lasted about 2 minutes. While poodles have a predisposition for seizures, it's never happened before and I don't know what it means. Moreover, during the episode I immediately thought that I had somehow cosmically conjured this. If Rootie is terminally ill…I just can't think about that. I take her to the vet Wednesday.

3. Still can't find rims for my car, which is actually OK since I don't have the money to get new tires right now anyway. Drinking most every night costs money!

4. I lost an old and very dear friend. He's still around, but the past three attempts I made to get together were met with silence. In this day and age of cell phones, e-mail, texting, frickin' myspace, I just felt that he didn't care enough to even acknowledge me. I mean, if he didn't want to hang out, make up some shit at least! Everyone's busy, but we all somehow manage to find time for those we care about. When I told him it hurt my feelings to reach out so much and get NO response whatsoever, did I get an apology? Nope..."Well believe what you wish but I haven't been ignoring you." is not an apology. It's "Too bad, so sad, get over it." I like to think I'm a good friend, and if someone I cared about told me that something I was doing (or not doing) affected them negatively, I'd want to work that out. Not wanting to work that out means that this guy is not the friend I believed him to be. I'm a fairly guarded person when it comes to new friends, but knowing someone for 9 years...it just hurts to lose an old friend, especially like that.

5. My former roommate's cousin has a crush on me. I've known this for awhile but I was able to wiggle out by saying I didn't feel I could date someone related to my roommate, b/c if things went south it would be uncomfortable. Well…no more roomie and no excuses. Why am I trying to make excuses? He's a nice man, but just not as…cerebral as I'd like. It's tough to talk to him b/c the cylinders are firing at a slower rate, and that matters to me. A lot. Went on date, had a nice time, but there are two problems:
-Apparently he has a history of getting wasted and getting into fights. I have never EVER been in a physical altercation-the notion is completely foreign to me, so that is never going to fly, and yes, it's a deal breaker. I just can't respect that, and I certainly won't tolerate it.
-He let me pay for my drinks. HE asked me out, HE paid for dinner, but when we went out afterwards and I slapped down my debit card to start a tab, he didn't stop me. I don't know how all that is supposed to work (I wanted a beer and my first instinct is to get one. Am I supposed to ask "Can I have a beer?" I dunno…) but I think he should have refused. I'm not funny w/money, all my friends know this, but a date is different. (Am I wrong here?)

I gotta get out of this. How long do I date him? Should I dodge him? Maybe I should just date him, but is that fair to him? I know it's not going anywhere but how do I tell him this?

So this is June '07. This was supposed to be my year! Didn't the cosmos get the memo?!?! Sighhh…. but y'know, I never got into higher education as a career move, it was just my first job. Maybe I've been give an opportunity to finally start my life. Stop biding time and really find a challenging position that pays well. But did it have to be so fucking brutal?!

Hate

I fucking HATE being an adult.

That is all.