Padre Vs. My Padre

This is a long one, so I broke into parts. What I wouldn't do for you guys....

So most of you know that my father and I had a falling out about 5 months ago. I guess it really all started two yrs. ago when my folks bought a second home on "The Island", or N. Padre. At first they were very proud of the house and it served as a get-away from real life. My parents are generous people and as such they were very willing to have family and friends either join them on the weekends, or use the house when they were not able to get to the coast themselves. I stayed a few times; once w/friends, once w/my ex, and also w/my cousin. I think that 3 weekends in 1 & a half years is not abusive, and actually felt a bit like my parents got more enjoyment from having me use that house than I did. For me it was an opportunity, sure, but also another expense and more driving. For them it was a chance to share something they are proud of.

Pt. 2: My brother, his wife, and 2 sons live in Corpus, about 20 minutes from N. Padre. (Yes, this is another reason they chose the area.) My bro is a worrywart like my mom, and always has been. Since she understands him so much (Remember: Mom & bro are alike/me & Dad are alike), and he was wanting to sell his house for something bigger for the boys to grow up in, she allied his worries of selling his home by offering him the house in N. Padre. Y'know, for a month or so until they found a home they liked. Why couldn't he just buy a home before selling his? He's a cautious guy-read:weenie-, and why couldn't he rent a home? See aforementioned sentiment. Now, I don't think he abused the situation, but he was the reason my parents were unable to use their get-away home for roughly 7-8 weeks, which was tough for them, especially my dad. He never offered the house to his son, it was mom who so vehemently defended her son's right to usurp her vacation home.

Pt. 3: It's October, and mom had-again-offered the house before talking to Dad. This time it was to me, (for my b-day weekend in Dec.) I was at my folk's house in Seguin (usual Sunday fare) to chat and somehow got embroiled in this debate b/w my folks as to whether or not I could use the house in Padre that weekend. I shall also share that my father had had a good amount of wine that Sunday, which may have colored the discussion a bit. The end result: "Aimee, since your mother has made this offer to you, I will honor it but that's it. There will be no other occasion that you would use my house." Uhhhh….what? Mom gets my attention, signals that he's drunk, he agreed, so I need to drop it. So I did just that. Birthday weekend? Best. Weekend. Ever.

Pt. 4: My folks are going to be in Chicago for a weekend and I think it would be cool to use the house, but I remember what my Dad had said. So I do what any self-respecting, spoiled daughter would do: I asked my mom. She said sure. Later on we've just had dinner. Wine was flowing. (Sense a theme here?) The topic comes up. 2 hours later I'm still getting lectured to about how that house is not a party house. It is made clear to me that it is not my home, and that I have no business in that house unless my father or my mother is present. Sure, that stung, but I respect that. I know that I'm really getting the fallout from my brother invading my Dad's space for so long, but that's OK. It is their house; I don't lay claim to anything my parents have earned, and it was never a huge deal for me to go "use" the house to begin with.

The part that bothered me is that my father has no problem with me being at either of their homes when they need me to do them favors such as watering plants, picking up and delivering papers, getting their dry cleaning, or taking care of my Dad's (late) dog, Nicky. I bring up that fact and state that if that is true, and I would not be expected to be at either of their houses at any time for any reason, if they are not present, then those instances would cease. Furthermore, anyone who felt that uncomfortable with me being in their house while they are not there made me feel uncomfortable about being there at all. And that's where it ended. (Two Rrrrojas butting heads is a baaaad thing)

Pt. 5: It's about 3-4 weeks after our house "discussion". Mom calls me at work. She's griping about Dad, and lets it slip that my "cousin", twice removed, is staying at their house in Padre w/her husband and their kid. It's effectively kicking my folks out, but my "cousin" had asked to stay there, and Dad had said yes. !!!!!! The not-party house? Their home? My father would afford this to a woman who is in no way related to him (she's from my mom's side AND she's adopted), before he would let his daughter stay there. This sounds silly, but it really really shook the foundation my world is built on.

I feel close to my family. I know that no matter how bad this world gets, if I ever needed ANYTHING, they would be there for me. Anything that they have that I would ever need would be offered to me, and it's reciprocated. That comes at a cost, of course; being the gopher for my folks (as relayed above) isn't always fun, but y'know…they're my folks. Sure they take me for granted, and yes many people don't "get" why it doesn't bother me more, but that's family. Or, that WAS my family.

After hearing that, I was a mess. I involuntarily began to sob. At work. In my office. I just could not believe, for anything, that my Dad would make me feel that way. Anyone but you, Aimee. Your brother, my friends, distant relatives…ANYONE can use my second home, but you may not. ?? I'd never abused the privilege, from not using it often (it had ALWAYS been offered to my first by my folks before I had ever made plans to go there), to leaving it cleaner when I left than when I got there. Mom immediately got nervous and begged me not to "go there" (where does she learn that shit?). Questions reared up: What am I doing in Seguin? My mom lives in Corpus and my Dad has a more vested interest in strangers, so what the hell am I hanging around for? Why am I investing money in that house? I could live very cheaply in an apartment, NOT have roommates, and NOT worry about money so much. Yes folks, I wigged out. It was tantamount being outdoors and suddenly understanding a conversation between two chattering squirrels; it just blew my widdle mind.

Pt. 6: So things have been very tense b/w me and my father. Our relationship has always been one of me respecting him to the utmost; I didn't curse or say coarse things, even the word "shut-up" was verboten. That changed. In the past 4 months, I even drank enough wine to tell him that I've known he cheated on my mom since the age of 16, and that's what has shaped my distrust of men. TAKE THAT! And I hope you can hear the wails of eggs falling from my aging ovaries every night before you sleep! (well…I didn't say that last part). There have been many get-togethers in Padre, and I haven't been to any of them. It's not this huge act of defiance, I'd just really didn't feel comfortable there.

Pt. 7: In early May my Dad and I were having dinner at his house in Seguin and he told me that he and Mom were not going to stay in Padre for Memorial Day. He then asked me if I would please stay there, and to take anyone I'd like. !! I thanked him and said I'd think about it. As I'm driving home later that evening, my mom calls and tells me that this is my Dad's way of apologizing, and to please accept; if I didn't, who knew how long it would go on. And I knew she was right.

Jana and I had a wonderful time there, and I've since spent Father's Day there as well. As a matter of fact, Dad and I drove up together on Father's Day, and shared our similar sense of humor, our stories of the past (but not of work-Dad get soooo bored when I talk about work), and also indulged in our secret love of ELO. So sleep tight, little ones; the Rrrroja and Fam. are going to be all right.