Shit or Shinola?

No blogging lately, and you know what that means….my life has been mired in SHIT as of late. Some of you know this, and for those that don't I'll give you a quick breakdown:

1. I got royally shafted at my job. My boss got promoted which left an opening. I realized that they weren't automatically shifting me into the position, but things were tense b/w me and the director (have been for a while), so I figured I'd have to formally apply, but no biggie. Next thing I know, a counselor who has been in our office for about 9 months (which also fully encompasses all of her experience in financial aid), is now my supervisor. It's an interim position, so while I'm still being encouraged to apply for the position, this is the singular most unexpected, humiliating event of my life. (Not being dramatic; even w/my ex was unfaithful I always knew the end of that relationship was a foregone conclusion. This shit really blindsighted me.)

2. In trying to find a new job, I've been considering a position w/INS. I've always wanted to travel, and I feel that I'm getting to the age where if I want to experience certain things, that should be done soon; I don't want to be a 45-yr-old transient. My only issue w/that is Rootie. This may sound nutty, but she's my family; I'm just not as happy when she's not around. This past weekend she had a grand mal seizure that lasted about 2 minutes. While poodles have a predisposition for seizures, it's never happened before and I don't know what it means. Moreover, during the episode I immediately thought that I had somehow cosmically conjured this. If Rootie is terminally ill…I just can't think about that. I take her to the vet Wednesday.

3. Still can't find rims for my car, which is actually OK since I don't have the money to get new tires right now anyway. Drinking most every night costs money!

4. I lost an old and very dear friend. He's still around, but the past three attempts I made to get together were met with silence. In this day and age of cell phones, e-mail, texting, frickin' myspace, I just felt that he didn't care enough to even acknowledge me. I mean, if he didn't want to hang out, make up some shit at least! Everyone's busy, but we all somehow manage to find time for those we care about. When I told him it hurt my feelings to reach out so much and get NO response whatsoever, did I get an apology? Nope..."Well believe what you wish but I haven't been ignoring you." is not an apology. It's "Too bad, so sad, get over it." I like to think I'm a good friend, and if someone I cared about told me that something I was doing (or not doing) affected them negatively, I'd want to work that out. Not wanting to work that out means that this guy is not the friend I believed him to be. I'm a fairly guarded person when it comes to new friends, but knowing someone for 9 years...it just hurts to lose an old friend, especially like that.

5. My former roommate's cousin has a crush on me. I've known this for awhile but I was able to wiggle out by saying I didn't feel I could date someone related to my roommate, b/c if things went south it would be uncomfortable. Well…no more roomie and no excuses. Why am I trying to make excuses? He's a nice man, but just not as…cerebral as I'd like. It's tough to talk to him b/c the cylinders are firing at a slower rate, and that matters to me. A lot. Went on date, had a nice time, but there are two problems:
-Apparently he has a history of getting wasted and getting into fights. I have never EVER been in a physical altercation-the notion is completely foreign to me, so that is never going to fly, and yes, it's a deal breaker. I just can't respect that, and I certainly won't tolerate it.
-He let me pay for my drinks. HE asked me out, HE paid for dinner, but when we went out afterwards and I slapped down my debit card to start a tab, he didn't stop me. I don't know how all that is supposed to work (I wanted a beer and my first instinct is to get one. Am I supposed to ask "Can I have a beer?" I dunno…) but I think he should have refused. I'm not funny w/money, all my friends know this, but a date is different. (Am I wrong here?)

I gotta get out of this. How long do I date him? Should I dodge him? Maybe I should just date him, but is that fair to him? I know it's not going anywhere but how do I tell him this?

So this is June '07. This was supposed to be my year! Didn't the cosmos get the memo?!?! Sighhh…. but y'know, I never got into higher education as a career move, it was just my first job. Maybe I've been give an opportunity to finally start my life. Stop biding time and really find a challenging position that pays well. But did it have to be so fucking brutal?!