These Life and Times

For those of you who aren't in the know, I'm moving to San Marcos next month, so lately I've been looking at my surroundings in a different light. Y'know, just getting the "my town" kinda feel to area. I went to Hastings to establish a movie rental account, I've scoped out the electric company b/c I'll need to go there and fill out the apps to get my electricity set up in San Marcos, I went to a bar by myself on Saturday night and got my car towed, y'know…all the usual shit.

This whole thing started w/the TEXAS Grant. About 900 students are waiting to use that money to pay their bill, and I have to manually make that happen. When I say "manually" I mean that I've got to type in each student ID number, then type in
"B 80206 1 2585"
"B 80208 2 2585"
This action, performed 900 times will effectively award the TEXAS Grant. Since I no longer have a boss, I've been trying to work w/our systems analyst to make a few changes in order to streamline the process. (I'm trying to get her to write programs that will do my shit for me.), but understand that our awarding system is old. I mean like Atari old, and if you can only imagine trying to make an Atari system perform the functions of an I-Phone, you know what I'm up against. Our first attempt posted in Friday night, which meant that I had to go into work Saturday to see if it "took"; the timing is important b/c it has to be in by Saturday night in order for these students to be able to use their money. (The way our sytem works and interacts w/the systems in other offices is more complicated than the way Mormons set up their heaven).

Now…there is definitely a maverick element to my personality, and lately this element has had full reign over most of my actions, especially at work. That is how I enabled myself to not only forgo a test run, whilst slowly chipping away at the list last week, I also neglected to enlist the help of others, knowing full well that if this didn't work, I'd be in our office on Saturday doing ALL that shit myself. So I was in the office bright and shiny Saturday morning to make sure I had time to get it all done, just in case something went wrong. Oh wait….that was the Aimee that used to give a fuck about the job, y'know, before I shafted by the director. That's right, what I did was wake up around noon, wash some clothes, watch some TV, rent my storage shed, go on a wild goose chase for a moving company that apparently doesn't exist, and help my grandma get those funky worms whose nests look some kind of cotton candy for Lucifer himself, out of her trees. I set off for San Marcos around 4:30, returned a rented movie for my dollar credit at the aforementioned Hastings in San Marcos, then promptly pulled in at the local movie theatre where I watched the 5:15 showing of The Simpsons movie. (Good flick, by the way; I'll be seeing it again.)

I saunter into my office around 7pm and discover that the program was moderately successful in that it posted in the second part, which is a place holder for spring, but the actual money, the only thing that matters right now, didn't work. Sighhhhh. Three hours and a decent start to carpal tunnel syndrome later, they were all awarded. I got all that shit done myself, but can anyone really blame me for wanting to, no EARNING the right to nurse a tall Guinness at my favorite bar? (A tall Guinness, 7 tall Guinnesses…whatever) And when, after circling the block 3 times and losing FOUR FUCKING SPOTS due to lousy timing, I decided to park near the bar in a completely empty Kinkos parking lot, I didn't really think much of it. At the time…obviously I'm still thinking about that decision now.

Closed the bar down, talked to some folks I knew, and met a lot of cool people I didn't previously know. I make one last trip to the loo, walk outside to where I parked my car and find nothing. I search in vain for any sign of where my car may have been towed. There are no numbers to call, no trace of where my car could be. So I, looking at my nearly dead cell phone, call 411, who connects me to the police station (really want to talk to THOSE guys after I've had several drinks), who then give me a number for the most likely culprit: Saucedo's towing. Oh, how loathsome to be undone by one of my own kind!

Soooo…I know WHO has my car, but that doesn't tell me WHERE my car is being held hostage. She gave me directions, but anyone who knows me at all knows that the part of my brain that handles proximal relationships between the four cardinal directions was long ago supplanted by all thing falling under the category of "useless trivia". And normally thats OK, I love maps for a reason, but the gestational period of an elephant (22 months) wasn't coming in handy during this particular moment in my life. What next? I start walking, of course! The lady says "go to Taco Bell and walk left", and in the process of doing that, I caught a break; some of the girls I had been talking with in the bar were driving past and started calling my name. I told them my car was towed and asked if they knew where the place was; two of the girls had been towed before by the same people, and they drove me there, which, by the way, was at least a mile away AND set so far back that I really don't know how I would have found it otherwise. If it hadn't been for that bit of serendipity, my night could have easily turned into something more than an amusing story. (THANK YOU PAPO!)

The kid who towed me was nice enough, and I wasn't really angry w/anyone but myself. When he pulled up to let me in the yard the first thing I said was "Can't I just fuck my way out of this?" to which he replied "Honey, I would if I could". Se la vie. Fifteen minutes and one hundred bucks later, I was back in my car and on my way to Seguin. And San Marcos sends it's "WELCOME HOME" my way.

Lyin' Just Ain't My Bag, Baby

Here I sat, in all of my pink-eyed glory. Pttttthhhhhh.....

Note my right eye. Almond-shaped (nothing spectacular but undiseased), and my left eye, which actually was a bit better after placing a cold compress to it for about 2 hours Saturday morning. (Yes, I know...my eyebrows could use some work...)

And thanks for all the infirm energy sent my way, which I know that I asked for. I now realize what a lucky gal I am to have such dedicated and powerful friends. But just for the sake of clarity...PLEASE STOP THE UNWELL WISHES! :-)

And The Hits Just Keep On Comin'!

Guess who woke up this morning w/her left eye gunked shut? WTF!? I was joking w/close friends that if I ever called in to work w/a case of "pink eye", that was just code for "playing hooky", but after a week off from my tonsils filling my throat, here I sit w/my left eye goofed up! Guess it's time to take those antibiotics my doctor prescribed. I haven't been swapping spit or rubbing faces w/2nd graders, I SWEAR!

I realize I'm trying to find another job and that I'm no longer anywhere near as vested as I once was, but I do have things I'd like to get back to. People I don't want to dissappoint, both staff and students alike. This past week has gotten me fairly stir-crazy, and here I sit, looking at another week of knocking around my house, reading, and watching shitty TV! Sighhhh....File under "Too much of a good thing."

Shit man, shit! What's next, PINWORMS?! (Which I've never had, by the way, but my oldest childhood friend and her two sisters had them more than once and that has always freaked me out.) Why doesn't this "ask and you shall receive" thing happen in other areas of my life? For the record, I'd really like to meet a great guy who's into me, rent out my house, get into the speech path program in San Marcos, and have kids before I'm 40. WHEW! (Just in case this is some Twilight Zone thing where all one needs to do is place their desires in and old book, thusly making them come true.) Laugh if you will...'memeber THIS?! (Check out number 4) I AM FORTUNE'S FOOL!

Drunken Nights Survey

Strong enough for a blog, but made for a bulletin:

When I get drunk… usually I get chatty and up-for-anything fun (mostly in a platonic way).
Do you talk about Religion or Deep meaning thoughts: Sometimes, depends on who I'm getting drunk with. This usually happens w/my Dad.

Do you Cry? I can count on my right hand the number of times I've ever succumbed to maudlin thoughts while inebriated, and that's after almost a dozen years of getting' tore up. (NO!)

Do you get Angry? Not often, but it has happened. A few times I've gotten a bit…feisty.

Do you Vomit? Nope, that's the good part about being a beer drinker; once you're seasoned, it's really difficult to drink enough to vomit.

After 7 beers are you drunk? Most definitely feeling it.

After 1 shot of 151 you are? No; liquor tastes yicky and usually makes me feel uncoordinated and slow (unlike beer which makes me feel whip-smart and sassy!)

Your favorite drink is? A nice hefeweisen w/a lemon, a tall Guinness at room temp., a cold Carta Blanca, a frosty Zeigenbock, a cheap Lone Star Light, (I can go on and on…).

Tequila does what to you? I go CRAZY, a la the movie "Blind Date". No really.

Whiskey makes you? I dunno. Never got drunk off straight whiskey.

Who do you drink with? My only criteria is that you have to drink too; no teetotalers!

Vodka makes you? I told you, I feel off my game, but I can have a couple of martinis before drinking beer to hasten the point of lift-off.

Do you smoke when you drink? Usually I do, but I can make a decision not to smoke for a night and it sticks. If I'm going to where I could potentially meet an interesting someone of the opposite persuasion, I'll forgo it (I just think of Edna Crabapple).

On the rocks or straight up? "Cold" is the only thing that can ease the burn (on the rocks).

Do you Pass Out? ?? Like faint? No, but I've been told that after a raucous evening o'fun, I sleep veeerily heavily, and snore. (This is heresay, but it does come from a reliable source-sorry Michele)

Do you drink girly drinks? Nothing too fancy; margarita on the rocks or a pina colada. Yup, that's the extent of it.

Do you drink alone? Before this year, I made it a point to never ever do that. I don't know if it's age or circumstance, but I can catch a buzz at home by my lonesome and not feel bad about it.

Worst Drink you have ever had? Bloody flaming frog's ass. Shot from the now defunct Cadillac Bar on Northgate. It tasted pretty much how it sounds.

Do you play drinking games? Not anymore. I mean, I would, but uh…I try not to hang out w/minors. :-)

Drunk Phone Calls to people? NO NO NO! NOT A DRUNK DIALER! (Had a short rendezvous w/texting, but I've been able to conquer that demon)

Drink and Drive? Well, since I live by my lonesome, I have to 'fess up. When I can, I will call my grandma to take care of Rootie, and stay w/friends.

What is your favorite beer? Wet beer; even 40's aren't safe around me.

What is your favorite mixed drink? Bloody Mary or White Russian (sorry Adrian! Them's tasty!)

What is your favorite shot? Buttery Nipple or Mexican Flag (nostalgia…)

What will you NOT drink? Drano and bleach. (I'll even sip on Campari) Just b/c I don't like liquor, doesn't mean I won't drink it in a pinch.

Are you a lightweight? No, I'm not a pro but I'd say at least a welterweight. :-)

Do you like the drinks with the little umbrellas? Only when on a beach.

Do you ever drink Bacardi Silver? I had some rum in Padre; not sure what kind.

Do you like frozen drinks? No; I have sensitive teeth and brain freezes should be included in one of the levels of hell.

Do you drink liquor straight? No

Do you ever drink out of the bottle? I'm saving that for the day I find myself unshowered and sleeping on a sidewalk.

Have you ever had a jagerbomb? Yes. That's actually a shot I don't mind.

Are you drunk right now? Nope, but you can tell how bored I am b/c I'm still answering these.

Do you consume more than 2 alcoholic beverages a day? Depends on the day

Do you drink a lot of wine? Yes and no. Not terribly often, but when I open a bottle, it's just me, so it's definitely a
time investment.

When is the last time you drank? 4th of July

Have you ever thrown up from drinking? Unfortunately, yes.

Ever done a Keg Stand? Nope; I'm afraid of heights and get motion sickness easily.

Name someone that will repost this drinking survey? I'm pretty egocentric, so probably just me.

Ever been streaking while drinking? Nope. I even went to Mardi Gras and never flashed my tatas, or gave smootches! The way I got beads is a heavily guarded secret. (No, I didn't buy them; good guess though, Juan!)

Failed any college courses due to alcohol alone? Every college course I have failed was due to alcohol!

Ever woken up & said "dude where's my car? No, but sometimes after I get out of a store and walk into the parking lot, that thought pops up. (Has nothing to do w/alcohol)

Ever carried someone due to their drunkenness? Heh heh…yes, helped carry.

Have you ever cleaned up a friends puke? Yes.

Puked in a friend's car? Twice guilty. 1st time I made it out the back window (just needed a car wash), the second time I got some on the seat belt, which the owner didn't discover until she finally stripped down her car and found it had rolled up and gotten it all stinky. I felt HORRIBLE! (She turned out to be psycho, so don't feel as bad about it now.)

Ever drank more beers than years? I dunno.

Ever smash a beer bottle when mad? No, but I once tossed one in what I thought was an empty(ish) field, but I let go too soon at it tinked off a huge "I've-got-a-small-penis-so-I-bought-this-truck kind of truck. His drunk gf came out and told me her bf would kick my ass if she told him, to which I said was a sad statement about the man she was dating. She then said she would fight me. I had a cigarette in one hand, my other hand in my pocket, and said "Well, I'm not going to throw the first punch…", looked her dead in the eye "but good luck." (IT WAS LIKE DIRTY HARRY, I SWEAR!) My reputation as a lover, not a fighter, is still in tact.

Sickly Dickly

So guess what I get for being the Beso Bandito at the shindig on the 4th? TONSILITIS! A'yup… I'm quarantining myself for now, which is something my folks used to do when my brother and I were kids. If one of us got sick, we'd have our own "sick kit", which were the utensils used and only used/washed by the sickee. Yeah, it wasn't enough to feel miserable, you had to get that emotional sense of isolation too. I'm exaggerating, I got my fair share of coddling when I was ill, mostly by my grandma, but nowadays I'm just used to sticking around inside and trying to limit contact w/healthy folks in general. Wish EVERYONE was like that, then maybe someone wouldn't have gotten ME sick! Sigh….(yeah, total penance for my hoe-baggery).

SO what does someone such as myself do when she and her faithful dog are cooped up? Well, here's the list thus far:
-check TV listing on internet b/c I don't like the way you have to sit on channel 77 for a solid 10 minutes just to figure out what all your options are (I am a channel surfing goddess-what can I say, I'm in to knowing my options)
-Trying to remember how the hell I made smoothies when I was working at the yogurt place during college. I am that freakin' old folks-I can't even remember how we made those yummy yummy strawberry smoothies that would really help sooth my sore throat. (It's the simple syrup that's got me flummoxed.)
-Clean up messes made by attempts relayed above
-Watch a little TV. Realize that while I don't want anyone to get murdered or anything, they have GOT to make some new Forensic Files and/or Cold Case Files shows to keep me interested. Also, in the time I didn't have cable, was Mythbusters on hiatus or something, b/c I can't seem to catch a new one of those either.
-Wonder aloud who the hell enjoys judge shows. All the yelling and screaming, the glib jeers, arguments devoid of any logic, not to mention the catty remarks made. (I'm speaking solely of the judges on these shows, the plaintiffs and defendants are a whole other kind of bozo altogether.)
-In the haze of TV hypnosis, thinking "Maybe ITT could change my life forever…" before snapping back to reality.
-Getting semi-addicted to answers.yahoo.com. Hey, my answers were chosen as "Best" three whole times now! I'm makin' a difference!
-Fun w/Rootie!
Q.When left to her own devices, will she run away?
A. No, she'll either stand right by the front door, waiting for me, or find a
sunny patch to lie in.
Q. Does she like raw meat?
A. Alas, though her primal instincts recognized it as potential food, the centuries of domestication caused an "ick" factor, so she spit it out.
Q. How long can I tickle her feet (I lightly brush against the hairs b/w her paw pads) while she's sleeping before she gets pissed enough to move away from me?
A. Hasn't happened yet, just a lot of kicking; we got to 7 minutes before I gave up and moved away from her.
Q. Can I teach her that me lightly holding onto a piece of her hair/paw wouldn't bother her if she would just stop pulling?
A. She figured it out w/the paw thing, but I still cannot lightly hold her tail or any piece of her hair-she'll pull it.

Now I'm even boring myself!!! Sigh…time for another nap for Cranky. Tonsils, behave!!

Rockin' the Cradle of Love

I'm never drinking ever again!!! Sigh…. Just hating life right now. Yesterday I went to a 4th of July party and drank….way too much. No really. I drank way. too. much. The highlight of the evening was snogging, in public, w/a 24-yr-old. What was I thinking?!?!? Honestly, I was thinking "I really want to find a bedroom and show this guy how it's done" which, of course, I did not do. Last night I must have been positively irresistible; I also got hit on by two women! (Well, I was wearing Birkenstocks….) J One woman was my age, a femme, but a dirty femme! She was taller than me, and admittedly a little scary. The other one was actually quite young, probably 22 or so, and she was so sweet! She drew hearts on my arm w/her liquid eyeliner, looked me straight in the eyes and said "Now this love will travel up your arm, and into your soul." Hokey, yes, but it's still pretty damn sweet. I did meet a lot of other people, and for that fact alone I'd have to say that I had a good time. I guess getting groped in public was just icing on the cake. (why...why...why?!) Stupid jello shots.

Still tipsy at that point o' the morning. Here's the real assessment of the evening. Enjoy.

OK, some clarifications… The party started at 1pm. I had not yet eaten anything that day, but I did have a couple of sausages w/mustard. They were tasty, and I washed them down with a couple of beers. My hottie, Ray, arrived around 3pm. He works at a homegrown computer place and does stand-up comedy on the side. He's going to be at the Velveeta Room tonight, as a matter of fact. Anyway, I finished my 6 pack (there were only 2 kegs and there was a fear that they'd run out of beer) and went on to drink some of Courtney's beer. (It's OK, I asked first) At this point I would have done well to eat something else, but I did not.

Throughout the afternoon I met a lot of people. Nancy the PTA, Andy the outdoorsman, Matt the carpenter from Baton Rouge, Piper whose father was in policeman training when he lost a finger in an accident (his trigger finger), and then had to be a postman, Bonnet the waitress who has an online blog. But every once in a while, Ray would come around and we'd chat each other up. I could tell he was interested, but he's a youngin, so I didn't think too much of it. As a matter of fact, I was kind of hard on him; y'know, teasing him in my blunt way and just making fun in general. I've noticed that there's a certain kind of guy who actually enjoys this, and sees it as a challenge, but the messed up part is that I'm not trying to play hard to get; that's actually a part of my personality, and I can't play games for shit, which is why this type of man is especially dangerous to me. All of these things were very apparent to me for most of the evening. Then the jello shots came out. And this is really my fault because I was told that not only were they made w/Everclear, but that the recipe called for 2 cups hot water, 1 cup cold water, and 1 cup vodka. They were made with 2 cups hot water and 2 cups Everclear. For some reason this did not matter to me when they were being passed around.

Night fell, and the party went forward, and Ray and I started talking more exclusively. To put a finer point on it, I'd say that he purposely separated me from the pack; every time I'd join a group of people, it didn't take long for him to be right next to me. But not in a pestering way; I did really like his sense of humor, and the fact that he grew up in Venezuela was pretty intriguing. At some point he went into a couple of his bits and they were really funny. I'd say about half an hour after the jello shots, I became more…pliable in the personal space department. I'm not normally a touchy/flirty person, and I wasn't trying to hit on him to begin with, but I noticed he kept getting closer and closer to me and at some point, I let him. Then I very stupidly relayed that I haven't had sex in 18 months. Well, if this guy was into the chase before I said that, his interest in me then grew exponentially. But I was still holding my own!

Here's where I goofed up:
I went to the kitchen to get another beer and I met Senjey. He's a sous-chef , and he was making hamburgers, chopping lettuce, and just tearing around the kitchen in general. We started talking and he was lamenting about the lack of space in the fridge. I said something like "you take care of your food, I'll deal w/the fridge." There was a whole lot of space taken up by the huge bowl of jello shots, but there weren't really many jello shots in there. Soooooo, I tried to fit them into a smaller bowl, which worked, save the 4 that didn't fit in the bowl. I tried to give them to those passing through the kitchen, but I didn't have many takers, and the room was getting really crowded and…I took at least 3, in rapid succession. This was the beginning of the end.

So Stumbley went back to the party (that's me) and guess who caught up with me, and guess who got in kissing range of one 24-yr-old lothario. I did dodge him a couple of times, but once our lips made contact, my brain shut off and my body went on autopilot. I guess it was around 11 or so. He then invited me to another party, but Courtney was my ride home, and I did still have some sense to NOT get into a car w/3 male strangers, even if one of them was a really good kisser. He got my number, I never asked for his. He's having a birthday party on the 28th (He'll be 25!, which he kept reminding me of) and his friends are going to roast him, and he really wants me to come, blah blah blah. Do you realize that when I was in high school he was in the 2nd grade?! Eeesh!

And as an aside, coming to work hung over really sucks!!! It's actually been better than in the past, y'know, when I actually gave a shit about this job. Today I cited a "meeting" from 12-1 (which was a total sham, I just went to lunch), came in and "went to lunch" (sham #2, I took a much needed nap in the ladies room), and basically just goofed around on the internet in general for much of the day. I have GOT to get another job…Maybe I could better hone these "cougar" skills and make some real money!