When Orgasms Go Wrong

This weekend I saw a snippet of “When Harry Met Sally”, and that whole fake orgasm scene has a whole new connotation. I always told myself that I would not be that girl who fakes it, no matter what. It was probably the same time I read Erica Jong’s “Fear of Flying” when I decided that if I was going to partake of sex, I would not merely be a vessel through which someone else got off. I was going to be honest with my partner and myself, and not ever, ever fake an orgasm. I never had a problem w/this when I was w/the ex. In the 4 and a half years we were together I could count on my right hand the number of times I faked it. As a matter of fact, I believe that would only be twice, and on both occasions it was a case of wanting to be there for my man when all I really wanted to do was go to sleep. But sometimes in relationships you have to put your partner’s needs ahead of your own, and I don’t have a problem with that decision.

Fast forward… I was out drinking w/my good friend Eric, who I’d first met many years ago at A&M. We get along really well, make each other laugh, and just have a good time in general when we’re together. He was also gracious enough to lend me his couch when I was working at the IRS and was having a hard time staying awake during that last leg of the trip (San Marcos to Seguin). Though logic, and Penthouse Forum, would dictate that during one of the handful of times I stayed the night at his house we would have fooled around, that was not the case; as with most circumstances of our friendship, this was completely unplanned. One day I asked him if he wanted to meet me at a bar after work. He accepted. 5 hours and many pitchers later, we’re mugging down by JC Kellam, and I follow him to his house.

The funny thing about the way I feel about Eric is that he holds so many of the attributes I am looking for in a man. No really, one day I even listed them out and even I was amazed. But when it comes to physical attraction, our chemistry doesn’t quite mesh like man and woman, more like brother and sister. OK, not THAT bad...but at least cousins. And the weirdest thing is that I am attracted to him, I have fantasized about him, and we have fun flirting and the like when we do go out. We didn’t have intercourse but we did engage in certain oral exploits, and yes, that night I faked it. Twice. I just wasn’t “feeling” it, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings! I mean, I was basically at the controls, so I can’t even say that his prowess was lacking (much…) but after a few minutes when I realized it just wasn’t going to yield any payoff for me, I faked it, found out he was one of those “no baby, you’re going to REMEMBER this” kind of guys who wanted to go for 2, so I faked it again, then concentrated on him.

I might also add that I was summarily DUMPED afterwards; I thought we were better friends than all that, and even though we felt that wasn’t the direction we wanted our friendship to take, we could have at least remained friends. Unfortunately this was not the case, so young Eric is off my Christmas card list, and I learned a lesson about fooling around with boys when you don’t have a clear idea of what your relationship is, which is probably something I should’ve learned in high school. I’m a late bloomer, what can I say? Anyway, I have recently learned that he has a girlfriend, and good for him! Hopefully he’ll get her home fires burning. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself! I’m a woman scorned!) :-)

This now brings me to the latest opportunity which is balancing on the edge of a knife, and threatenting to fall into the category of “mistake”. My longtime friend Juan and I are planning on going to Renfest the first weekend in November. Right now that means we’re getting a room in Navasota, and though it’s going to have two queen sized beds, I am a bit nervous about how this will all pan out. He’s the guy I’ve been sharing rated R cell pics w/and so I know that it wouldn’t take much to get us “there”. I also know that his life is in Ft. Worth, and mine is down here, to say nothing of the fact that we’ve got history together. I think I can sum up the entire relationship in a sentence I wrote to him after our last “break-up” approximately 8 years ago: “You don’t have a problem getting me, you just have a problem keeping me around.” And so knowing all of this, it stands to reason that I will try my very best to keep this all on the level. Ohhh…did I mention I haven’t had sex since Dec ’05? This is going to be rough….