Ain't Nuthin' Goin' On But the Rent

Just spent the past 9 hours in our Executive retreat with 6 people who really don’t want me on their team. The good thing is that I’ve been able to put my thumb on why. I mean, I’ve always had a general sense of why I was never going to be “one of the gang”, but I’m the kind of person who knows that life is an ever-changing and ever-evolving process; I'm open to the notion of change, (i.e.if I learn that others think I’m a tool, I’m going to try to be less of a tool). And lately I've been second guessing myself b/c I see how content everyone on the executive team is, and I sometimes get this wave of "What if the real problem is you?". But now I get it. My director doesn’t like me b/c I am not a proponent of keeping the status quo, and I do not kowtow to bullies. The difficult part for me is knowing how ineffective I am in this position. Other ideas are viewed with an openness that is suddenly obfuscated when my voice hits their ears. If I had one shred of respect for those who are most determined to let this be known to me, it would bother me greatly. Currently, I ain’t sweatin’ it.

In other news, Ed texted me around 3 telling me that we have reserved seats for tonight’s play, which means I’m going. Not for my sake, but I don’t want to punk out on Ed. Every part of me wants to shower, plunk down on my bed and paint my nails while watching Discovery and be asleep by 10, but I can’t. I’m a little nervous that my most recent suitor will call me while I’m at the play. I’m hoping he’ll call me before so that I can let him know I’m not avoiding his call. Se la vie!