I Pity The Fool! (The Fool in the Mirror)

Wow. That was definitely top 5 worst date ever. First of all, there were a few things about him that I conveniently forgotten, such as his s l o w story-telling, and his agreeing to everything you say, which is normally an indication of understanding. This guy then plays himself out by relaying the same concept about 7-10 minutes AFTER you’ve already talked about it! It was like going out on a date with Forest Gump. Oh yeah, and I had thankfully dumped out of my memory a story he told me where he took it upon himself to teach his cousin a lesson b/c she wasn’t spending enough time taking care of her two dogs. So, he shot them. (!!!!!!!) If that wasn’t disturbing enough, after one of them was shot, the other tried to run away, and he proceeded to give me details about how he hunted it down. Of course I was giving him all sorts of verbal and non-verbal cues that the story was disturbing me, but he wouldn't stop. I finally had to tell him to STOP, looked him in the eye, and then had to say “I really do not want to hear about that story anymore because it upsets me.” To which he dutifully agreed, and went to the next topic like he had just been relaying the new colors in his redecorated bathroom.

This time around wasn’t much different. It took about 10 minutes for all this to come flooding back and realizing that I had made a HUGE mistake. So the meal goes forward, and it’s a mom & pop joint, so the bill came about 5 minutes after our meals were presented. At no point in time does he motion for the bill. Y’know, I’m not one of those chicks who goes out for an evening with my drivers license and five bucks in my purse; I always make sure that if I’m out, I have enough money to cover myself, but the very gesture is a sweet one. There’s a hint of generosity, and even some amount of chivalry when a guy takes care of you for an evening. This guy hasn’t come to that point of understanding. When we got up to leave, I had to take the check were I proceeded to ask the cashier to split the bill. I'm nice, but not so nice as to pay for this guy's meal when it was never even my idea to go out in the first place.

So the meal has taken an hour and half, and I’m ready to bounce, but he keeps wanting me to go to his house to watch a freakin’ movie! He had mentioned "his land" many many times, and how he needed to purchase some livestock so that he could get some tax break, so there was just no way in hell I was going to become a missing person’s statistic. When I jokingly told him this he said that he was talking about his “real” house, which was in a neighborhood in Luling. This made a little more sense because before then he had told me how everyone had met at his house for Thanksgiving, which was a pain for him b/c he had to clean his house from top to bottom beforehand.

It’s still pretty early in the day, so I did agree, but I made sure to take my own car and followed him to his house in Luling. When we got there I noticed a lot of cars in the driveway, which took me aback a bit. We’re walking up the path, he’s got this shit-eating grin on his face (yes...whatever, you won; I'm going to your house), and I ask him if he still lives with his parents, because he has made NO MENTION of this during any conversation that I’ve ever had with him, and has referred to “his place” many many MANY times. So I had to meet his mom and Dad, and then he ushered me into his room. Basically I’m a 31 year old woman who’s about to watch a movie in a guy’s room while his parents decorate the living for Christmas -flashbacks to being 16 years old ensue. A room, I might add, that only contains a king-sized bed and a TV snuggled into a corner. I don’t know where this fool keeps his clothes (that his mother washes for him, no doubt), but I had to open the door two times (he turned out the lights, put on the ceiling fan, then closed the door within seconds of me picking out a movie), made it a point to sit on the bed in the furthest spot from him, and was out of his room by the time the rolling credits hit the top of the screen.

That is IT!!!! Ice queen may have to come out of retirement because I’m just appalled at myself for having spent 6 hrs and about $30 on having a shitty time with a guy who hasn’t quite made it up the step on the evolutionary ladder where normal conversations are a part of his repertoire. I had come to a point where I started to feel like shit for being so mean to men, but at least I didn’t have to go through things like this! I’m having a beer to release the tension in my shoulders, and I’m taking this as a learning moment: NO MORE PITY DATES, EVER!!!