I Scream

I wrote this on June 11, 2007:

1. My former roommate's cousin has a crush on me. I've known this for awhile but I was able to wiggle out by saying I didn't feel I could date someone related to my roommate, b/c if things went south it would be uncomfortable. Well…no more roomie and no excuses. Why am I trying to make excuses? He's a nice man, but just not as…cerebral as I'd like. It's tough to talk to him b/c the cylinders are firing at a slower rate, and that matters to me. A lot. Went on date, had a nice time, but there are two problems:
a. Apparently he has a history of getting wasted and getting into fights. I have never EVER been in a physical altercation-the notion is completely foreign to me, so that is never going to fly, and yes, it's a deal breaker. I just can't respect that, and I certainly won't tolerate it.
b. He let me pay for my drinks. HE asked me out, HE paid for dinner, but when we went out afterwards and I slapped down my debit card to start a tab, he didn't stop me. I don't know how all that is supposed to work (I wanted a beer and my first instinct is to get one. Am I supposed to ask "Can I have a beer?" I dunno…) but I think he should have refused. I'm not funny w/money, all my friends know this, but a date is different. (Am I wrong here?)
I gotta get out of this. How long do I date him? Should I dodge him? Maybe I should just date him, but is that fair to him? I know it's not going anywhere but how do I tell him this?

l

End of post. A bit puzzled that I felt the need to justify more reasons to not date a guy who's kinda slow, but whatever. Fast forward to last week. That same guy, Sammy, had posted a bulletin at 1:20am which read:

We all must die some time, some sooner than others.................

And 20 minutes later came the follow-up:
TO ALL I HAVE ON MYSPACE, I WILL BE CLOSEING MY PAGE IN A DAY OR TWO.... EVERYONE BE SAFE AND TAKE CARE......

I’ve never gone through suicide training, but this seemed like a pretty blatant cry for help to me. So I e-mailed him and asked him how he was and told him not to be a stranger. (This is relevant as my current problems stems from THAT very action.) This past Friday he called my cell and we talked a bit, and even made tentative plans to do something the Friday following Thanksgiving, but it was giving me some pause that his initial offer of seeing a movie suddenly changed to me going to his “land” and watching some DVDs. Ahhhhh-no. But no matter, the plans are tentative, and I can’t imagine doing something as stupid as that. I didn’t really think much of this conversation until Saturday. The reason? Since that one phone call he has texted me no less than 9 times. NINE TIMES! At first I was game, and was just taking this on the friendly gesture level. Last night I got a “Goodnight. Sleep good.” Text at 10pm and this afternoon I got “Hope u had a good day. What’s up” at 4pm. I’m not good at what comes next. I’ve got to let him know that I’m not interested in “that” way without feeling like a tool. Is that even possible?

And in addition to this fool tomery, I’ve got the ice cream hankers! This weekend I bought some Ben and Jerry’s strawberry cheesecake, then today I went in for a pint of coffee toffee as well! And I’m not even that big a fan of ice cream. Usually it’s like Smarties or Sweet Tarts- I had a "take ‘em or leave ‘em" kind of attitude, but there are certain times when I just really want ice cream, and I guess that time is now. I even e-mailed a comment to the Ben & Jerry’s website; did you know there are NO chunks of cheesecake in the strawberry cheesecake flavor? What the hell am I paying premium prices for, if it’s not to really clog my arteries w/some outrageously unhealthy dessert within a dessert? I got so disenchanted that I still have more than half the pint left, so maybe that’s why I unexpectedly grabbed another pint today. (I was at the grocery store to purchase a b-day banner for one of my office-mates, and suddenly, there I was in the freezer aisle!) I hope so. I got enough to contend with, what with the inert lifestyle and my penchant for beer drinking.