Trust is a Must

The time has arrived. I can no longer stave off seeing Sammy. I’ve ignored calls, texts, and given him more excuses than I’d like to admit, but today I’m meeting him for some Chinese in Seguin. I shouldn’t be so dramatic, it’s not like he’s a creep or a bigot or anything, just that it’s work to keep the conversation moving forward. And the fact that his most favorite answer is “Uhhhhhhhhhh, weeeeeeeeeelllllllll………. I dunno………” doesn’t really help either. Last time we went out he wore colored contacts (green to be exact), which is lame but not unforgivable. The kicker is that he only wore one. No joke! And it wasn’t some kind of homage to Marilyn Manson or anything, one was bothering him so he took it out. I am by no means a fashion maven, and though I am fortunate enough to not need contacts or other visual aids (yet), I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if I were in a similar situation, I’d swallow my pride and defer to glasses. On the “lame-ass” scale of 1-10, wearing glasses doesn’t even register while wearing only one colored contact is at least a 7.

And in other news, I’ve decided that I need to stop being so hard on myself with this whole “once bitten, twice shy” thing I’ve got going on w/the web hottie. Trust (or mistrust) has been the central focus of allllllll the fears that have guided my largely celibate and singular existence up to this point. This is the part I need to come to terms with. I need to start taking risks, enjoy these freefalls, and put them into context of lessons I can learn about life and about myself, even if they don’t work out for me. And that's another thing, who's to say it won't work out for me? I mean, I’m not giving out my ATM PIN, or subsidizing any trips to Aruba w/strange men, I’m just making a commitment to being more open and available. (Not too available…if Sammy thinks he’s getting even to first base, he’s got another thing coming.) :-)