So the saga of the web hottie has come to a close. We finally met Thursday and he hasn’t called me since. In the interest of not bashing myself over the sharp rocks of my own self-hatred, I’m going to try to see the positive aspects. Y’know, this whole time I’ve just thought to myself “Your size makes men uncomfortable, and it’s just these shallow guys who have the problem.” NIEN! These last few guys were well aware of my chubbies, even to the point of celebrating chunky monkies such as myself- this last one even saw pictures of me BEFORE he drove down to Houston just to have lunch with me- and I STILL couldn’t bag a dude. Oh yeah…positive stuff about this…right. Well, it’s just that I need to stop focusing on this size issue and start figuring out how the hell I can get men to fall in serious like with me over the freakin’ phone, but when I try to seal the deal in person, it’s a no-go. I mean, I don’t have any overt problems getting to know people. In my line of work I’ve found that my personality actually goes quite a long way in terms of getting tasks accomplished by people whose job description does not include “help out the Scholarship Office”, and I’d like to think this is because I’m affable, fun-loving, down to earth, and just an all around hop-hop-happy woman. And yet! Shut down by men who liked me on the phone, then not so much in person. I’ve got some theories. Wanna here ‘em, here they go:
1. I’m not good at flirting. I’d say that out of the last 20 guys I’ve been attracted to, I let that fact be known to exactly none of them. Just not good at that aspect of the dating thing.
2. I’m not dumbing myself down for ANYONE! And if you’re the type of guy who’s got an ego made of spun glass, then buy a blow-up doll, shove a tape player up her ass, and play affirmations from Stuart Smalley until you feel like a man.
3. I don't "need" a man, and I think it shows. You see, in my little fucked up corner of the world, it is a compliment for a man to know that I can take care of myself in most every way, so the fact that I'm willingly taking care of their needs in addition to mine, means that I have such an affinity for them that they must be of a very specific and special calibur in general. Sadly, men do not see this as a compliment, but as a sticking point. (How do I even BEGIN to change that?)
4. I like to listen-I am a listener, and I like to learn, so details of anything from the stock market to taxonomy (and anything in between!), will be met with looks of interest and attentive questions. I can do this ALL NIGHT if you let me because the more you talk, the less I have to divulge about myself. Not sure if this is a bad thing, just thought you should know….
Whatever. I’ve been “trying” for about 3 months now and I think this experiment is done. I got my heart stomped on in December (when I’m at my most emotionally precarious), and now I’ve been royally dissed, yet once again, by the lowest blow imaginable. No really! You meet someone cold and you go in knowing there is a small chance sparks will fly. You talk to someone every day for 3 months and get to know them decently well, have them meet you, THEN decide you’re bad news. Try to brush your teeth and not second-guess your reflection with every stroke. Sighhhh…. I’m a tough gal and all, but even this hard-hearted lass with a brain in her head, a laugh in her heart, empathy in her soul (who’s not looking for some meal ticket I might add!), and some viable eggs in her ovaries is getting wary of the world.
Though I’m sure my romantic woes are interesting enough, I should move on. I believe I’ve solved my Superbowl dilemma. Instead of traveling to S.A. (gas+drinks), or going to a bar (drinks+appys), I’ve decided to watch the game in the comfort of my own postage stamp. That’s right, I was set back about $30 by purchasing the following:
Beer
Olives
Cheese
Crab salad
Baguette
And now Superbowl XLII is ON for the Aimster! It won’t be all that it could be, but it’ll be enough. Well, bedtime is early tonight b/c I have to open fed. letters tomorrow at 6am.
Life is good! (No really!) And any male with a working recollection of their initial thoughts upon meeting me are more than welcome to respond in order so that I may more ably see how I'm fucking this new guy thing up! (I won't be defensive, I just really want to know how I come off.) No really! You have my word: no repurcussions for telling me off! :-)
Almost forgot: My friend Jana’s got a theory that this last one didn’t work out b/c he's shallow, into thickies, and just didn't think I was fat enough. Thanks Jana. You rock.
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