Lays I've Turned Down

I guess I need to clarify this one. I realize that most guys, of a certain age, will basically take what they can get when they can get it. Not that all men are dogs (well…kinda….) but just that I’m not talking about all the chance meetings which could have turned into something physical. I’m listing here people who have:
1. Overtly pursued me
2. I had occasion to be in various sleeping quarters with them
3. I did not partake of their offers of carnal knowledge. (‘Cause I’m a germaphobic nancy.) :-)

Kyle, my lab partner- Nice guy, just not a guy I was interested in. I actually thought he was gay were it not for his asking me out. One evening we were studying in my dorm room; I was on the bed and he was on the floor. I glanced up to his staring at my cleavage (vantage point was in his favor). He silently lifted his hand and touched my necklace and traced up to my neck. I nervously laughed it off. (‘Cause I’m a germaphobic nancy) I never again saw him after that semester of Biology lab.

Bonie- Met this guy my first year working in VT at the F&W camps. He was probably about 6ft 5in tall, and from Africa, so he was a bit intimidating. Not only physically but culturally intimidating. I hate to admit this but I read and hear about different cultures and those things are frequently negative. There are men from certain ethnicities that I just would not date. Middle Eastern, for one, and oh yeah- MEXICO! Ha ha! I’m not trying to be the boss of anyone else, but I have to be the boss of me. Well, OK, relationships are about compromise so I’ll say I have to be the boss of 80% of me (there, is that enough leeway?!)
ANYWAY-he was also older than me so it was just all very intimidating. One night I let him take me out and we got back very late. We were about 45 minutes from camp, it was about 1am, and I didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I stayed at his apt. On his bed-he stayed on the couch. That next year he sent me fifty bucks for my b-day. Poor guy. He really was a nice man, just too much for my 19-yr-old self to deal with.

Claire A.-S’right baby, my hotness transcends gender and shit! Ha ha! This was my second year I worked at camp in Vt. and she was my co-counselor (sounds like a porno already: Camp Cunnilingus) and she admitted she did have a crush on me. Not to brag, but she was the 'belle of ball' that summer-everyone was trying to get into that woman’s shorts. There was even a summer scandal b/c one half of a very established lesbian couple tried to seduce poor Claire, they ended up kissing, Claire stopped it, and la Otra found out. That cuckolded woman cried and cried in every one of our song circles for the next 3 weeks! Anyway, Claire is bi, so she was awesome to talk to in that we both had guy probs and she wasn’t one of those granola nuts who thought the protein from menstrual blood was a viable substitute for plant food (uh…yeah, that conversation was uncomfortable, to say the least). Not sure at what point she decided she wanted to usher me into the ways of female-to-female pleasures of the flesh, but being that I was 21, never had a boyfriend, and didn’t trust men, I must have been ripe for the pickin’! Or so we thought.
The last few nights of camp were tense, ESPECIALLY after the kids left. We got a solid week and half or so, to do general clean-up once the final summer session was drawing to a close, where we were alone in a 3-sided cabin located in the middle of the wilderness, a good 4 minute walk from any other cabin, and in the darkest of darkness (for real, I’ve never experienced darkness like in the Green Mountains of Vt.) During the whole summer we had slept at opposite ends of the cabin, for the sake of safety and for the kids, but that final night Claire decided to move her bedding to the bunk right across from me. She also nabbed a small lantern, as we had already turned in the large one. I can clearly remember seeing her laid out, in her short shorts and navy blue tank top. Claire was on the swim team at Swarthmore, and her body showed it. Sleek and sinewed, her golden tanned, smooth skin was glowing in the lamplight, and I caught flickers of her green eyes as her head tilted when she spoke. We’re talking in the dark, with the night encircling the tiny waning flame of our lantern, and we reach a lull in the conversation. She looks at me, squints her eyes nervously and abruptly states: “I keep thinking of a song over and over again in my head and it just won’t stop.” Me: “What song?” Claire: (shyly singing) “Don’t You Want Me Baby?” I don’t remember what I changed the subject to, probably something stupid like “Don’t you just hate it when songs get stuck in your head?”. I wasn’t oblivious then, just scared, but I remember theorizing the following:
-You don’t have random encounters w/guys you’re probably never going to see again, why would you do that with a woman?
-Where are the butterflies? If I really wanted this, wouldn’t I have butterflies in my stomach?
And so…we never did consummate the attraction (Of course I was attracted to her, she was HOT! And smart, and sweet, and funny, and she didn’t expect anything from me except for me to be myself) We shared a few e-mails during that year, she did a summer at camp w/out me, and the next summer I did one summer w/out her, though she did visit. By that time I was with my ex, staying up until 4am talking on the phone (taking care of a dozen 12-yr-olds on no sleep just doesn’t benefit anyone), and when we got together I couldn’t get my head out of my ex’s ass long enough to have a nice time. Almost literally b/c I remember us sitting in the office (I was waiting for a call from him) and she was inviting me to go out w/her but I didn’t want to miss the call so I said no. WHAT AN IDIOT! For no other reason than it was a very immature thing to do; my ex was going to be around but for some stupid reason I ended up snubbing her. And though I have been hit on by other women since, I always tell myself “If you passed on Claire, there’s no WAY this chick would measure up.”

Clint- Met this guy in a bar in McQueeney (I really need to start lying about that) shortly after I came back to Seguin after A&M. He was a workin’ man w/workin’ man hands, and I am so a sucker for that. And he had curly blonde hair, which was very cute, and was about 4 yrs younger than I was. I’m sure this was a ruse, but at closing time he claimed his car wouldn’t start, and he lived in La Vernia or some mess, and it was a cold winter’s night (relative-probably about 30 degrees outside, but that’s cold in Texas), so he asked if he could stay at my place until he could get the situation sorted out. We were definitely tipsy, but not sloppy drunk or anything. I took a shower and got into my (very chaste and tactful) pjs before exiting the bathroom and found him passed out on my bed. I didn’t take the couch b/c:
1. I have a hard time sleeping in that living room ever since one of those huge waterbug/cockroaches once, in the middle of the night, fell off the ceiling and into my bed.
2. It’s a short couch so it’s not great for sleeping in. Napping- sure, a full night’s rest- not so much.
3. I’m not an animal! Geez, I can sleep next to someone and not have our genitalia converge.

And so I feel asleep, which was all good. While yes, I did just state that it’s not like I was a bitch in season or anything, we did end up cuddling a bit. I think that part of evolution really can’t be helped, but no kissing or fondling. What I DO remember the next morning is waking up on my back, peeking through my sleepy haze and seeing his hand very gently making its way south into my flower-patterned long johns bottoms (told you I donned chaste pjs that night!). I played it cool, feigned sleep and rolled over onto my side. His second attempt, however, led to my pretending he was just attempting to spoon thus waking me up. Shortly thereafter I drove him back to his car (he called someone to meet him there), and dropped him off. I also had to avoid that guy’s calls for a couple of weeks. What?! He was trying to GROPE ME in my sleep AFTER he had sobered up! YUCK! (Hmmm, wonder if that guy’s still available….) Ha ha!

Keith- It took me at least half a year to figure out this guy was interested in me b/c he was pretty shy. He had red hair, a red goatee, and hung out on the benches at Moore Hall during my final summer there. We went to Dudleys a couple of times, and he also came to my dorm room to watch Al Pacino’s “Looking for Richard”, which is about Shakespeare’s play “Richard III”. He watched the whole thing w/me (still think it’s a great movie) and called me a couple of times after he graduated and moved to Dallas. Why didn’t I latch onto that guy like white on rice? I dunno! I just don’t know how to turn that corner from friend to something else, and I guess he didn’t either.

Some guy my friends brought over for a party…just can’t think of his name: VERY cute, VERY smart, and taken. His gf went home to Mexico or the valley or something so he was flying solo that night. Everyone leaves the party (it was at my house) and he stays b/c we’re having such a good time sitting on the couch just talking and laughing. He asked to kiss me but I said I couldn’t b/c he had a girlfriend, and so we just kept on talking. Finally the sun came up, I walked him to his car and he said “Well, can I at least get a hug?” So we hugged (I fell really bad about this b/c I’m sure either my Papo and/or my grandma saw this, and who knows what they thought of me), but I didn’t see him much after that, maybe once or twice. I did, however, run into his gf a few of times and she was quite clear about what she thought of me. So unfair! I TOTALLY could have macked on him, but I would never do that. I guess I have to add “God-fearing” to germaphobic nancy.

Rick- Friend of an ex of Michele’s: Michele set us up b/c he was having a really hard time getting back into the game after a long term relationship. He wasn’t much to look at, but he was a nice guy. We had all gone out drinking, it must’ve been at least 2am and I’m still in S.A. My cousin and her BF had an apt. together at the time, and I’m not sure how we all split off, but Rick offered to get me a hotel for the night b/c he lived at home and he didn’t want me to think he was coming on to me. (I can vouch for that first part; we’d been to his house playing pool the weekend before and there was really no place to sleep in his house besides his bed) So we’re at La Quinta, he gets two double beds (we ended up in one), and I said I wouldn’t have intercourse and he said he wanted to give me “oral pleasures”, which in my mind is ten times more intimate than fucking, so we made out, then passed out. I heard he got back w/his ex shortly thereafter. Yup, I’m either forcing them out of the closet or into their previous failed relationship; I’m a real heartbreaker.

And so those are the lays I laid to the wayside. After I wrote this I realized all of these happened before I met my ex, and I’d hate to think that anyone would assume that I no longer say no, or even worse, that I’m no longer offered. (Ha ha! What an ego on this chick, huh?) I wouldn’t know, things are just…different now that I’m older. No more house parties, no more meeting friends in clubs, no more chillin’ in the dorm rooms, and no more camp. Nowadays it’s a date, a hug, and an internal “Thanks but no thanks” as you walk back to your car. Here’s hoping my days of polite declinations, and that one special “Oh YEAH!” are still ahead of me. (And yes, I too think it’s funny that I subconsciously turn most parting thoughts into toasts)