Harmonious Matches and Other Ramblings

Wow, it’s already been a month since the last posting. The abbreviated version of the past month is as follows:
Amanda & Connie are 2 crazy white girls I’ve been ignoring b/c their drama is just that-THEIRS!
I’m rockin’ e-harmony AND match.com! (I’m such an idiot)
I’m getting a home alarm system (yeah!)
My pool is slowly but surely getting in shape.
They guy is trying to sell me a new pump-FUCK!

Now for specifics:
E-harmony has been a bit of a flop. It just seems to have guy on it that are so serious. My profile answers the question “What are you most thankful for?” with “I do not have hairy toes”. Hey, I think it’s funny! And yet, from the scores of PERFECT MATCHES who close communication based on how I present myself in the profile, it would seem that my brand of humor is not doing the trick. Maybe I should go with “I’m a caring woman who loves romance..blah blah blah” Whatever, I am and I do but if a guy feels threatened by humor and sarcasm then I’m thinking he’s not meant to be my life partner, no matter how may “match points” we share.

And this brings me to match.com, which I like better. It’s more relaxed and gives you an opportunity to view all prospects so that you can decide for yourself. Autonomy? This is so right up my alley. I do have a favorite, and we have been e-mailing a lot, but he suddenly stopped and I don’t know if it’s b/c of the Easter weekend thing or what. I’m disappointed b/c either he’s no longer interested/found someone better suited to his needs (sniffle, sniffle), or he’s insensitive for not throwing me a tiny “Hey, going out of town” e-mail so that I don’t have to sit and wonder on a Saturday night why he hasn’t responded in 2 days. I’m also trying to factor in my penchant for impatience.

I’ve been really honest w/ these guys in that I’ve told them all that I didn’t feel ready to meet anyone for a couple of months b/c of my weight. That front is going well, but of course it’s never quite fast enough. Anyway, I’m very proud of myself b/c my first inclination is to pepper someone w/e-mails, like a desperate “Are you mad? What’s wrong with me?” (No, I wouldn’t actually say that, but I’m sure it would be starkly implied), but I’m in a good head space where I’m telling myself that he knows how to get a hold of me and if he’s interested he’ll do so, and NOTHING I could say or do would hasten that process. Well, nothing that wouldn’t make me seem (and feel) like a total psycho. S’ok, I’m growing up and more mature, and that feels really good.

There are others, like Marc from match.com but I don’t know what kind of game he is running. He was in a marriage that lasted for years (no kids) but he claims that his ex was raped before they met so she had some major issues when it came to sex. He seems really nice and cool, but he too didn’t contact me for about a week, and the thing w/match.com is that it tells you when they are online, so there were a few days when he was online but never responded to my e-mail. I’m thinking he’s down for sowing some wild oats, which is cool-I’m not trying to be a hater, but I’m not going to made to feel like some kind of prude just because physical acts of intimacy need to have just that: a level of trust and intimacy that will make me feel safe enough to just go for it. And when I do feel that way I will ride that man’s cock, lick his nipples, and have him in as many positions as my limber legs will allow. No, I am not sexually repressed b/c I think that two committed, consenting adults should explore their fantasies to the hilt, but I’m also not just going to offer up my kitty to every Marc, Rick, and Travis..NOPE! You gotta earn this ride! Of course, I have gotten some really weird ones too. One guy’s opening line is “For starters, must be into aggressive sex” Does this mean you want to beat my ass, or that you want me to beat yours, b/c I can do the latter but you fuck w/me and you will get cut. Ha ha! Then this one guy wanted to date me and he’s 24! Yes, twenty-four years old! It took a while to shake him off (just being my ice queen, sarcastic, and bitchy self), but it was flattering nonetheless.

Speaking of jail bait, this kid works on the computers in our office, which is a very loose term. His mom and the director’s mom are good friends, so his skill level is at about a negative 90%. His sloping brow, wide jaw, and slumped shoulders always makes me think of the missing link. Oh, and the fact that he doesn’t like to open his mouth while he talks, so he sounds like an idiot 98% of the time he’s talking. All of this and yet there are some days when I see him and I think “holy shit, I could totally teach that guy how a real woman fucks a man” !!! I know! I’m a dirty old lady now-it’s totally official. I’m just chalking it up to the fact that I haven’t had sex in about 4 months now. Y’know, being chaste for 20 years, then another 4, wasn't nearly as difficult as what I'm going through now. I mean, now I KNOW what I'm missing out on, whereas before it was just this idea of what being in a committed relationship and having sex on a regular basisis was like. For the record: I liked it very much. It’s like Eddie Murphy said: you give a starving man a cracker and it’s the best damn cracker he’s ever tasted. Well, all I got on the table is some sweet n’low and the salt and pepper shakers, so a cracker would be HEAVEN! (Were it that I was free enough to take it.) It’s such a weird feeling to know that there are many places I could go to, pick up a guy and have sex. Wow…so strange. It doesn’t change anything, but it’s a freeing feeling. Like when you know you have plenty of ice cream so it’s like “ehhh, too easy”.

Oh, and the last thought for the night: Enoch is back! He alleges that he will try to come by my house on Sunday (Easter). That should be really fun, and I’m looking forward to it immensely. OK, my sleeping pills are kicking in-nighty ni--